Ask Su­san

Ex­pert so­lu­tions for your sex and re­la­tion­ship dilem­mas

Woman (UK) - - Ask The Experts -

my hus­band’s hold­ing back

Qafter cancer and a hys­terec­tomy, I ex­pected to go off sex. what I didn’t ex­pect was that when I did get keen again, my hus­band would be the one hold­ing back. He swears he still fan­cies me, but I can’t stop wor­ry­ing. Jane, Dun­sta­ble

Su­san says:

AIt’s likely that your hus­band hasn’t ac­tu­ally gone off sex. But you’ve both been through a shock, and

I feel so guilty

Qaway for a boozy week­end, my girl­friends and I con­fided ev­ery de­tail of our sex lives – in­clud­ing crit­i­cis­ing our spouses’ per­for­mances. Back home, I feel so guilty about hav­ing ‘shopped’ my hus­band that I can hardly look at him, let alone sleep with him. He­len, Mil­ton Keynes

Su­san says:

AYou could with­draw from your hus­band, refuse to tell him what’s wrong, leave him imag­in­ing the worst, and in­evitably lose him. Or, keep the se­cret, put it be­hind you, and get on with your mar­riage. But you could also just con­fide what’s hap­pened and then re­vamp your sex life so it’s bet­ter than ever. I do think choice three is your best op­tion!

It’s mak­ing me un­com­fort­able

Qmy 75-year-old mum’s been wid­owed for a while, and has a good male friend who I thought treated her like a princess. But the other day I walked in to find his hands se­ri­ously wan­der­ing over her. She seemed happy about his be­hav­iour, but should I warn him off? Me­gan, Brighton

Su­san says:

AI sus­pect the only per­son with a prob­lem here is you! Are you per­haps em­bar­rassed? Find­ing it dif­fi­cult to think of your mum as a sex­ual per­son? Be­lieve it or not, she is see­ing you vul­ner­a­ble may sim­ply mean he’s more pro­tec­tive and de­lay­ing pas­sion in case it’s too much too soon. Plus, re­al­is­ing he could have lost you may mean he’s feel­ing higher on af­fec­tion and lower on lust. You need to take the lead here, mak­ing sure you keep the sen­sual con­nec­tion alive with cud­dling, deep kiss­ing and massage. Then, when you re­alise he’s ready to go fur­ther, make it clear that you are, too. He’ll soon get the mes­sage.

Do I still need con­tra­cep­tion?

QI’m just di­vorced and I’ve started see­ing a new man. It never crossed my mind that I should be us­ing con­tra­cep­tion, as I haven’t had a pe­riod for a year. But how care­ful should I be? Lucy, Corn­wall

Su­san says:

ATo be to­tally safe from preg­nancy, over-50s should use con­tra­cep­tion for a year after a last pe­riod, while un­der-50s should use it for two years. But preg­nancy isn’t your only worry. Sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted in­fec­tions (STIS) in the 50-70 age group have in­creased by over a third in the last decade – of­ten be­cause this age group doesn’t re­alise they’re at risk. Con­doms will off­set that risk un­til you and your part­ner can get checked for a clean bill of health: wom­­and-stis.html is a use­ful link. still young enough to feel pas­sion­ate – and old enough to say ‘no’ if she doesn’t want to ac­tion that pas­sion. You’re not your mum’s par­ent or guardian, so I’d back off and let her have some fun.

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