I don’t want to tell them the truth

We’re planning a summer holiday visiting my parents who live in Spain. When I said we’d hire a car they’ve been insisting we don’t need to. The thing is I’m terrified of being in a car with either of them at the wheel and, after the last experience, swore I never would. Both have had quite serious accidents in recent years and the time I was with my father he repeatedly overtook into oncoming traffic and laughed off my protests. How can I politely tell them we’d prefer to hire a car ourselves?

Suzie says

When lives are at stake politeness has to take a back seat. It sounds as if your parents’ driving has deteriorated and that could be for all sorts of reasons – frailties of age and possibly the effects of early dementia. And I can see it might be a hard conversation to have as it challenges their independence and sense of competence. But you can begin it by telling them that you need your own independence when with them and you will be hiring, end of. Once there you could bring up your anxieties, with the specific instances you’ve mentioned. But refuse to be blackmailed into getting in their car. It might be the push they need to get help.