‘i want my kids to trust me’

‘i’ve got to learn to let go’

Carol Dyce, 55, lives in London with husband Keith, 57, and their children mark, 18, Finn, 16, and molly, 13.

As a mum-of-three, I totally understand wanting to keep tabs on your children. But when does our natural protectiveness cross the line?

Growing up, I never had to worry about my parents spying on me. Nobody knew if I snuck in late on a Saturday night, or was chatting to boys. But that didn’t give me licence to go off the rails. Quite the opposite. Knowing I had my parents’ trust gave me the confidence to forge my own independence, and respect their rules (to a degree).

If I’d found out they’d been following me around, or rifling through my drawers at home, I’d never have trusted them again. And that’s what spying on your children’s phones is, essentially. It’s encroaching on their privacy, and sending the message that you don’t trust their judgement.

Of course, there are times when I’ve been tempted. Once, my 18-year-old, Mark, was in a flurry of text exchanges and I was itching to read them to see what was going on.

I’d already clocked a space behind his chair, where I could stand and look over his shoulder while ‘folding laundry’. But instead, I asked him if anything was wrong and if I could help. I was expecting the usual response, a classic combo of ‘Noooooooo, Mum,’ and an eye roll, but this time he told me his friend was being messed about by her boyfriend.

Cue a brief, but important, conversation about how to treat – or not treat – girls. You’ve got to trust your kids and their judgement, after all your hard work instilling values into them. Sure, part of me still wants to wrap my fledgling adults in cotton wool, but I know I’ve got to learn to start letting go – and part of that is respecting their privacy and space.