...go from police officer to author
She used to solve crimes, but now Clare Mackintosh writes her own
As I finished typing the last sentence, I hit the full-stop key with a dramatic flourish. The rush was similar to what I'd felt after solving a crime.
But the days of being a police inspector were far behind me now. In fact, I’d just finished my third novel…
Ever since I was a child, I’d wanted to be a writer. But everyone always said how difficult it was, and that the money was never steady. Instead, I found a job in the police force. And within a few months, I met Rob, then 23, at work.
In January 2004, we got married. I was blissfully happy, and my career was going from strength to strength – it wasn’t long before I was promoted to sergeant.
With everything going so well, Rob and I decided to start a family. Struggling to conceive, we tried IVF and I fell pregnant with twins in the summer of 2006.
When Josh and Alex were born that November, at just 28 weeks, they were tiny, but strong.
Only, within a few weeks, Alex caught meningitis and suffered a bleed on the brain. At just five-weeks-old, our beautiful baby boy passed away.
Returning home with just one son was so painful. We muddled on for Josh’s sake and, less than six months after giving birth, I fell pregnant again, naturally this time – with twins.
Evie and George were born in February 2008. But, still struggling, I was diagnosed with post-natal depression.
I found it hard to talk about my feelings, but one day, I found myself at my laptop, writing down my thoughts. Somehow, it was easier than saying things out loud.
I started writing a blog and, within a few months, I had hundreds of messages from women who were having similar experiences to my own. Writing really helped my recovery.
After maternity leave, I went back to work and, as the years passed, I worked harder than ever – long hours, evenings and weekends.
Then, in 2011, I applied to be chief inspector. As part of the process, colleagues had to submit evaluations of me. I received amazing feedback – I was a good listener, always smiling, and my door was always open.
When I got home, I proudly showed Rob. ‘That’s great,’ he said. ‘But I don’t recognise that woman.’ It hurt to hear, but I suddenly realised I’d been keeping the best parts of myself for work.
After long days, I was always in a bad mood. Things had to change. So I applied for a twoyear career break.
Remembering how much I loved my blog, I knew I wanted to try and make it as a writer. The only problem was, I had no experience.
Taking a deep breath, I typed out an email to local businesses, offering my skills as a copywriter. Then I spoke to my local magazine and managed to land a column. It paid modestly, but I was determined and soon I was making enough money to be able to spend more time pursuing my real passion – writing a novel.
I set to work on a psychological thriller, drawing on my experiences to help create characters. I spent late nights writing chapter after chapter, but it finally started coming together.
Just a month before my career break was due to come to an end, I got a call from my agent, who I'd met through a friend. My book was going to be published!
In 2015, my debut novel, I Let You Go, was released and it shot straight onto the Sunday Times top-10 bestseller list.
Now, as my third novel is released, the whole thing still feels so surreal. The career I’d only ever dreamed of has become my reality.
It took a harsh wake-up call from my husband to make me see clearly. But it was exactly what I needed.
Clare mackintosh’s new book, Let Me Lie (£12.99, Sphere), is out now
‘THINGS had TO CHANGE’