Having an affair during lockdown

One woman reveals why she doesn’t regret breaking the rules to see a married man

Paul* and I have been together six and a half years. He asked me out during Christmas 2013 and I initially turned him down. But when I discovered he was separated and living with his mum, I eventually agreed to go on a date with him. We had a pizza together, didn't stop chatting the whole night and the evening ended with a kiss – but nothing else.

My daughter, then 15, knew I’d gone out with him and was happy for me. I’d split from her dad when she was little

– and while I’d had other relationships, when Paul asked me out I’d been single for three years.

I heard from him a few days later, and after a couple more dates it was inevitable that we slept together at my house. While my daughter was delighted about this new man in our life – and one that was clearly putting a spring in my step – the same couldn’t be said for everyone. Paul’s 20-something child was far from happy about us.

Eventually, he decided to return home and back to the marital bed – but, even so, we continued to see one another. I certainly didn’t relish the idea of jumping into an affair and becoming his mistress – who

‘SEXUALLY, WE ARE SO COMPATIBLE’

does? And at times it hasn’t been easy – but then most relationships aren’t without their hardships. Sexually, we are incredibly compatible. I’m not ashamed to admit that I enjoy sex – and, far from being awkward, it was great fun exploring each other for the first time. That’s why I knew without hesitation that I wanted to continue seeing him.

His wife knows who I am and I certainly know who she is. She knew about me two weeks after we began seeing one another. I don’t feel an ounce of remorse when we happen to bump into one another because she chooses to stay married to him.

All of our children – my three and her only child – are adults and they are all up to speed about the situation.

Six years later, Paul and I have a cosy routine that includes chatting every day. He runs his own business and works long hours every day, including weekends. Before the lockdown, when life was normal, we would grab a morning, afternoon or evening here and there.

I gave him a key to my place and sometimes he would slip into my bed while I was still sleeping. Other evenings, I’d hear him in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of wine.

Life was about to change

We began to settle into a regular pattern in our relationship and it meant we would end up having sex at least three to four times a week. But we don’t go out publicly together and definitely don’t flaunt our relationship around other people, either.

I had an inkling life would change when my daughter, now 19, said the universities were going to close – including hers. Paul and I didn’t have an upfront conversation about the impact the virus and lockdown would have on our relationship because, like most of us, we initially had no idea how serious it was. But deep down in my heart I knew that it would mean we would have to see less of each other.

I would have never put him under pressure to isolate with me. Besides, his business needs him and – virus or not – he has responsibilities he can’t brush aside.

On a practical level, it was never going to be easy for us to see one another because we live in different villages.

Over the past few months, what with regular police patrols and nosy neighbours, it was a risk for us to attempt to see one another. As a result, we have seen each other only twice since March.

Even so, the situation hasn’t really tested things between us because we’re used to having ‘restricted access’ anyway. That’s why my feelings for him haven’t changed and I know his remain the same for me.

Enjoying independence

We have been together so long, it’s like a marriage. Occasionally, while we’ve been apart, I have wondered how things would be if we lived together, but then I pull myself together and realise that’s not for me. I’ve been married before and I prefer the independence that comes with living alone.

Two of my children live abroad, and

‘EMOTIONALLY, HE BELONGS TO ME’

before the pandemic I could go and see them when I fancied it, and I have friends across Europe and it suits me to visit them on my terms, too.

Having my daughter around and living with me is a massive help. We’re busy ensuring that when we can eventually open for business, we’re ready. As much as anything, it is a good way to ensure the time flies.

We have cracked, though, and after we had both self-isolated for 14 days and knew we were safe, he came to my house one afternoon for a couple of hours.

Then, a week later, he came over and spent the whole night at my house.

I don’t feel guilty or worry about the virus spreading. To the best of my knowledge, there haven’t been any cases in our geographical areas.

I suspect people know we have broken lockdown and seen one another. I also reckon that Paul and I aren’t the only ones who are prepared to break the law in order to continue to see one another.

Yet, hand on heart, I can say that anyone else’s opinion of me is of no interest whatsoever.

If anything, the pandemic has made me realise I want to see more of him. But

I still have no desire to live with him, as it would spoil things. Friends do ask where it is going – but it doesn’t need to go anywhere. This situation has taught me to take each day as it comes.

And, yes, Paul might be married on paper, but emotionally and physically he belongs to me.

The coronavirus won’t change that – and it hasn’t. I know I am loved and cherished by this wonderful man. My motto is that we have only one life and I fully intend to enjoy it.