‘I ALWAYS KNEW I NEVER WANTED TO BE LIKE MUM’

Hayley Folk, 29, lives with her partner

Dancing around with me, the hoover in her hand, my mum, Kim, then 34, rushed from one end of the living room to the other singing Stevie Nicks songs at the top of her lungs. Aged 12, I thought my mum was the funniest person in the world. I loved her naughty side, the way she’d sneak into our neighbour’s garden to steal artichokes – and the way she made the most mundane of things like cleaning seem like a game.

Only, for every fun and exciting moment I shared with Mum, there was always a bad moment too, because since she was first handed drugs by her own mother, aged just 13, Mum had been a drug user. When she was using, Mum could become mean, forgetful and filled with rage and I’d do my best to stay out of her way. I’d always known she wasn’t like other mums and it made me feel different to the other children at school. Some days I wished I had a mum like they did – someone normal who would brush my hair, help me get dressed. I desperately wanted a clean and calm home to come back to like my friends seemed to have and, even at primary school age, I felt alone in life. I quickly learnt how to look after myself, knowing that I couldn’t rely on Mum.

By the time I was 13, I was being cared for permanently by my dad and grandma and I rarely saw Mum at all. Her life had become chaotic and she had become powerless to the pull of drugs. For years, Mum was a stranger to me as she continued to battle with her drug addiction and the times I did hear from her were painful – seeing her clean and full of hope for the future one minute, only to be dragged back down by the darkness of drugs the next. For a long time, I felt angry towards Mum and rejected too. ‘Why doesn’t she love me enough to stop?’ I’d ask my family.

But in time, I understood that Mum was a victim of drugs, she was sick with a disease. And while I began to accept she might never be free of her demons, I knew I didn’t have to be the same.

I grew up with a deep hatred of drugs, knowing they had cost me my mum and I vowed I would never do them. In January 2019, when I learnt Mum had passed away from a drug overdose aged 45, I hadn’t spoken to her in years. I was utterly bereft but my resolve to make the most of my life became even stronger.

Without knowing it, Mum had taught me that life is too short and

I had to do my best to live a full and happy one. Since then, I’ve been helping to educate young people about drug addiction and if I can prevent just one person from hurting like Mum or I did, then I’ll be proud.

Unfortunately, drug addiction and addictive behaviour often runs in families and the reason for drug use, whether that’s mental health or personal demons, can be passed down through generations, unless someone breaks the cycle. It’s not easy dealing with the pain of losing a parent to drugs or getting over the experience of being brought up by someone who is an addict, but by getting help and speaking out, it is possible.

‘She was a victim of drugs’