Can a marriage ever survive an affair?
He’d cheated and betrayed her. So why was Moira Swindell, 54, so ready to take him back?
Even now, I can remember the boozy stench of his breath as he swayed forwards drunkenly and whispered into my ear, ‘You know they’re having an affair, don’t you?’
It was April 2007, and my husband, Richard, and I had decided to have a bank holiday barbecue. But now, as all our friends were outside having fun, I stood there in my kitchen, my whole body trembling with disbelief at this man, Nigel*, and his sordid accusation.
‘How dare you,’ I snapped. He and his wife Lorraine* were good mates. I’d known they were having problems, but how could he suggest that she and my husband were involved? Especially when Richard and I were so happy.
Only then I caught sight of Richard’s terror-stricken face through the window and, in that moment, I saw all the lies unravel. Fleeing upstairs, I threw myself on my bed and sobbed. I’ll never forgive him for this, I vowed.
Richard and I had first met in March 1998 on a night out in our home town in Essex. I’d been divorced for two years and he was exactly the type of man I was hoping to find – so caring and romantic. We fell in love instantly.
Just two months later, he proposed and moved in with me and my sevenyear-old son. Friends warned me it was moving too fast, but it felt right.
We married in the summer of 1999, and then, in August 2003, moved to
Kent where we became good friends with Nigel and Lorraine.
Lorraine, then 32, liked to see the latest improvements we were making to our home. She’d come round for dinner and Richard would talk through all the things we'd done. He’d been working tirelessly at his job as a railway engineer to help us pay for it all.
I’d see Lorraine twirling her blonde hair around her finger as they chatted but I’d never worried she was interested in anything more than just DIY.
Then, in March 2007, a message flashed on the home phone. I pressed play, and a recorded voice said: ‘I’m so glad we’re talking, Richard. I can’t wait to be with you.’ The sign-off said: ‘Sent from Lorraine mobile.’
I was speechless. Immediately, I called Richard at work but he said there must have been a mistake, the phone muddling messages. Later, he sat me down and promised he’d never betray me. ‘Especially with our friend,’ he said, upset at such an accusation.
I told myself I believed him, but my mind rewound over the past weeks to all those late shifts and early starts Richard had been working. Had he been meeting Lorraine instead?
Devastating truth
Then, a month later, the truth came out at that fateful barbecue. After crying upstairs, I pulled myself together and went down to confront Richard. Only, he and Lorraine were about to leave.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ I screamed. Richard confessed he had been seeing Lorraine and, while they’d been texting for eight months, their relationship had only got physical in the last few weeks.
‘How could you?’ I spat. But then I realised all our guests were watching. It was so humiliating and I fled back indoors, utterly devastated.
Richard stayed the night in a hotel and when he came back the next day, he dropped the bombshell – he was leaving me for Lorraine. As I watched him pack up his things, I was distraught.
But then, three weeks later, Richard rang asking to see me. Meeting in a car park, he cried and begged me to take him back.
I’d always said I’d never forgive a cheater. But right then, looking into Richard’s eyes, I felt like the shutters had been lifted on that emotionless stranger who had treated me so callously. At last, my husband was back.
A new start
Richard admitted that for a long time he’d felt like he wasn’t good enough for me, and every day he’d come home half expecting me to have left.
‘That’s ridiculous,’ I said. ‘I absolutely adore you.’ I had no idea he’d felt so insecure in our relationship. And, while it didn’t excuse his actions, it went some way to explaining what he did.
Finally, I agreed to try again, but on the condition we started counselling. I know many women will think I’m a fool for giving him a second chance. But I admit my life had felt so empty without Richard.
And, slowly, through our weekly counselling sessions, we rebuilt our relationship. Today, we’re a much happier and far stronger couple.
No one is perfect – people make mistakes. But even in our worst moment, Richard and I still loved each other. Surely that’s worth fighting for?
‘I felt like the shutters had been lifted. My husband was back’