‘I gave up my baby dream to raise my nieces’
When Samantha Menzies, 29, lost her sister in tragic circumstances, she was determined to honour her legacy
‘Devastated, I pushed my own feelings aside’ ‘I could never take Karina’s place but I’d make sure her daughters felt loved’
My heart jumped as my sister Karina placed a bundle in my arms. It was November 2010 and I was already a proud auntie to Karina’s daughters, Sophie and Ellie, then nine and six.
‘Now I have another niece to love,’ I smiled, gazing at Karina’s newborn, Tiana. I only lived around the corner in Ely, Cardiff, and was always popping in. Karina was a single mum so she appreciated my help. Despite our six-year age gap, we’d always been close. When our mum Sharon had passed away in 2004, Karina had been so protective.
Despite having a nerve condition which affected her mobility, she was bubbly and fun. ‘When I’m a mum, I want to be like you, Karina,’ I’d say. I was already a stepmum to my boyfriend Lee’s three children from a previous relationship but I desperately hoped to have my own baby. I loved children so much that I worked as a nursery nurse, and although Lee had been through a vasectomy operation years earlier, we were saving for a reversal procedure. Now, seeing my new niece, I was more determined to have a newborn of my own one day.
Over the next months, I watched delighted as little Tiana learnt to walk and chatter. ‘She’s a real little character,’ Karina said. Then one morning, just a month before Tiana’s second birthday, I’d arrived at work when my phone rang. It was Lee, his voice panicked.
‘There’s been an accident,’ he said. He explained that Karina, eight-yearold Ellie and Tiana, 23 months, had been hit by a van as they had walked along the pavement near their home.
I broke down in tears, terrified. When Lee arrived, we headed straight to the hospital in Cardiff where they had been taken. There we discovered that Ellie had minor head injuries, while Tiana had a suspected broken leg and pelvis. Luckily, Sophie, 11, was away on a trip, so she hadn’t been involved. But then we heard that Karina had suffered life-threatening injuries. ‘The doctors are working on her now,’ a nurse explained.
Piecing together what had happened, we learnt that Karina had walked to the local fire station to ask for advice on getting smoke alarms fitted in her house. After chatting to a fireman, she, Ellie and Tiana had been walking away when a white van had mounted the kerb and hurtled towards them. Karina had flung her girls out of the way but her nerve condition meant she hadn’t been able to move quickly enough and the van had ploughed into her.
I was devastated but, as a nurse explained that Tiana needed an X-ray, I pushed my own feelings aside and held my tiny niece’s hand. Covered in cuts and bruises, she blinked up at me. ‘Everything’s going to be OK,’ I soothed.
Heartbreak
But when we emerged from the X-ray room, Lee was waiting. Pulling me aside, his devastated expression gave it away. ‘She’s gone, Sam,’ he whispered. Karina’s injuries had been too severe. ‘What
will I do without her?’ I sobbed. But then I thought of Tiana, Ellie and Sophie and I realised I had to put my grief on hold. Looking at Lee, he read my mind. ‘You don’t need to ask. They must come and live with us now,’ he said. It was as quick a decision as that. It was up to me to make sure they were cared for. But first we had to break the awful news to the girls. We arranged for Sophie to come back early from her trip and brought her straight to the hospital. As they were different ages, they were each told separately by the doctor in ways they’d understand. It was heartbreaking. Then I had to ask the hardest question. ‘Would you like to live with Lee and me?’ I said. Tiana was too young to understand but the older girls nodded. I could never take Karina’s place but I’d make sure they felt safe and loved. It was four days before Ellie and Tiana were able to leave hospital. They were all in deep shock and at night they’d cry out for their mummy. I tried to comfort them but my own grief was so raw too.
Police said the van driver, Matthew Tvrdon, had been arrested. Karina and the girls had been hit as his van had careered through Cardiff.
It was too much to bear, and in the weeks that followed, I took time off work to look after the girls. Some days, they’d cry for hours and all I could do was cuddle them. Others, they’d be angry. When I struggled to cope, I’d think, ‘What would Karina do?’ She’d always been so calm with them and would sit and listen. So, I’d do the same and imagine that she was guiding me.
Lee was incredible too. With his three and Karina’s three, we turned into a tag team, always helping each other out. On a practical level, we had to get a bigger car, fridge and oven. It was a huge adjustment and very expensive but our friends and neighbours fundraised to help us.
Looking forward
In June 2013, Tvrdon, 32, a paranoid schizophrenic, appeared at Cardiff Crown Court and pleaded guilty to manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility, seven charges of attempted murder, four counts of either causing or attempting to cause grievous bodily harm, four counts of assault occasioning actual bodily harm and one count of dangerous driving. He was locked up indefinitely in a maximum security hospital.
The court case brought little comfort but we tried as a family to focus on the future. Lee and I adored the girls and gradually I realised something. ‘I don’t think we should try for a baby, after all,’ I told Lee one night. ‘I want to focus on the girls,’ I explained. ‘I don’t want them feeling pushed out.’ I owed it to Karina to give her girls all my love and attention. And while it felt so sad to think I’d never carry my own baby, the girls had to come first. Lee held me. ‘I understand,’ he said.
Gradually Sophie, Ellie and Tiana started to flourish. Every time they achieved something I felt a swell of pride. But it was always tainted with sadness that Karina wasn’t there to share the moment. It has been four years since she died and the girls are doing well. They call me Auntie Sam and while they will always miss their mum, I’m raising them to be strong women, and I know she would be so proud of them.
Ellie is her double, Sophie has her infectious giggle and Tiana will always be her baby. The girls are my life and I know I made the right decision in sacrificing my own dreams for a child to care for them. I owe that to my brave sister.
‘I’m raising the girls to be strong women’