I don’t want to see my sister again

Mum-of-two Anita Naik has been an agony aunt for 25 years

Q Two years ago, after my dad’s funeral, my sister and I cut off all contact with each other. We’d had our problems for years and since we’ve stopped talking I’ve felt so relieved – I don’t regret it at all. Only now, out of the blue, she’s texted asking for us to be in contact again. She says she’s changed – and my mum and brother desperately want us to make up. But I don’t want her back in my life. Claire, 45, Manchester

A Not missing your sister and having a huge sense of relief from not being around her is a pretty good indication that it’s best to stay away from each other. That said, the bigger picture is your mum and brother wanting you all to unite as a family. The solution is to get in touch with your sister and try to gauge for yourself if she has changed or not. If she has, try to maintain a limited contact for your family’s sake, after all no one is really asking you for any more than that.

Not as good as his ex-girlfriend

Q I’ve been in a relationship for about a year but while I’m really happy, there’s one thing that bothers me – my boyfriend has an ex who is still very close to his parents. They were together for 10 years and she still speaks to his mum every day. His parents love her and while they are really nice to me, I feel upset about this as I feel I will never live up to her. Heather, 38, Cardiff A It takes time to build up a relationship with other people’s parents, and while they still feel close to your partner’s ex, it doesn’t mean they can’t get close to you too, so don’t see it as a competition. At the end of the day, it’s hard after 10 years to cut someone off, even if they no longer have a role in your family. Instead of focusing on how they feel about her, start to build your own relationship with them – don’t force it, but invite them out for coffee and get to know them gradually.