A problem shared: Our therapist Anita Naik tackles your concerns
Q
Two years ago, my son married a woman who has two kids, aged five and seven. They are fantastic and my husband and I see them in the same way we see our other grandchildren (they don’t have any other family). I often offer to look after them but my daughter-inlaw turns me down. My son says she feels awkward about forcing us to have a role but all this has left me feeling at a bit of a loss. Ann, 58, Middlesex
A
The key here is building up a relationship with your daughter-
She’s a widow at 40 Q
My best friend lost her husband in a horrible accident six months ago. At 40 she’s a widow and a single mum. I want to help her but I don’t know how. I call her, and see her, asking if she wants to talk but she says no. I offer to help financially but she says she doesn’t need it. How can I be there for her? Zoe, 41, Cheshire
A
The best way to help grieving people is to ask them what you can do to help. Sometimes it will be emotional support and sometimes practical but often it’s just being there on a regular basis that helps. This means calling her and keeping in touch and showing her you are a friend who is there. It may not sound a lot, but it will mean more than you think. in-law. It sounds as if she’s very protective of her kids, but also of her relationship with you, meaning she’s trying to ensure that no one will get hurt or forced to do something they don’t want to do. Assure her that the ‘step’ part of the equation doesn’t matter to you and show her you want to care for the children as you would your biological grandchildren.
Can a person's sexuality change? Q
My husband’s best friend has announced he is gay at the age of 55. We are completely shocked and don’t understand as he was married for 25 years with kids (he divorced five years ago). It’s not an issue for us but can people suddenly change like this? Name and address withheld
A
Many people come out late in life, when they feel they are at last free to be who they want to be. I suspect this man knew or had an idea that he was gay, but perhaps didn’t want to accept it or was forced not to accept it by his family and society. Make sure your shock doesn’t put your friend off talking to you. It will no doubt have taken courage to come out after so long, so do support him.