‘She didn’t come to my wedding!’
‘Conversation always had to revolve around her’
Heike Verdon, 54, lives in South Wales with her husband John, 59. Growing up, there was only 18 months between me and my older sister Susanne, but that’s where the similarities ended. Susanne was always the rebel. She’d sneak out at night, smoke and drink, while I’d never want to step a foot out of line. We even looked different. She was taller and thinner and I always felt frumpy next to her.
I suppose I was envious of her carefree attitude, and I think she wished she had my academic qualities. I wouldn’t dare ask her for advice on boys and the only time she’d come to me was for help with her homework.
Aged 18, in June 1982, I left home and became an au pair. Susanne married first and then I met John, an engineer five years older than me.
Soon after, my mum became ill and I moved back home. I hadn’t seen my family for six months and was so annoyed when, on my first night with my parents, Susanne came over. I remember thinking the conversation always had to revolve around her. even when she gave birth to her son, christian, the following year, we didn’t see each other much.
Thankfully, Mum soon got better. And in January 1986, I moved to South Wales to be with John. If Susanne wasn’t my sister, I wouldn’t have stayed in touch. I invited her to my wedding in June 1988, and was actually relieved when she didn’t come. I didn’t know that she was having marriage problems.
It was only after my daughter Anna was born in January 1990 that she visited me – and that’s when we started to bond. We’d share advice on motherhood and I felt because we were related, I could ask her personal questions that I’d never ask friends.
When Susanne’s marriage ended shortly after, she and christian would come and stay with us for a holiday. We discovered that we actually really enjoyed each other’s company. Susanne would often have me crying with laughter. When my son James was born two years later, I asked Susanne to be his godmother and I started really looking forward to spending our summers together. Susanne got a new partner, ralph – and when the children got older, we even went on couples holidays together, too.
now we speak to each other almost every day and even have what we call our sister week where we’ll visit each other without our families so we can spend time just the two of us.
And while we are still so different, I’ve learnt that those differences are something to be celebrated.