a problem shared: our therapist anita naik tackles your concerns
Mum-of-two Anita Naik has been an agony aunt for 25 years
Q A year ago my husband died. He was only 43 and I miss him so much, as do our children who are 11 and 13. We’re all trying to be strong but I find simple things – like making a cup of tea – have me in tears and can set me back again. I even end up crying at work. My parents and friends tell me that it’s time to get on with life but this makes me feel even more alone.
Gemma, 43, London
A People often want us to recover from grief far quicker than is realistic, because grief scares them and they don’t know how to help. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve and no time frame to express it within. You and your children need to talk to a bereavement counsellor who can help you express your grief and learn to live with your loss. Your GP can refer you to one or contact cruse bereavement care on 0808 808 1677.
He’s engaged to someone else
Q Nearly two years ago I broke up with my long-standing partner. We’d been together for 10 years and split because he had a one night stand. I always thought we’d somehow end up back together, but now he’s engaged to someone else and I feel completely heartbroken all over again.
Samantha, 37, London
A While it’s completely natural to feel hurt because you were keeping your fingers crossed for reconciliation, you haven’t been a couple for quite a while. This means that the devastation is down to the fact that his engagement has crushed your hopes – rather than you wanting to be with him. While this is painful, see it as a sign that it’s time for you to move on and find someone who can give you the relationship you want.