his dirty secret in the wardrobe
He had got a new job at an airport but then Naomi Rosic, 38, noticed her husband starting to changeé
Scrolling through my Facebook page, I spotted a snap taken at christmas two years before. We had been on a break to the Forest of dean and my husband darran and I were there grinning into the camera. We looked so happy.
‘how could things have changed so much?’ i thought, staring at the screen. it was may 2016 and our relationship was so very different.
i’d been 19 when darran and i had first got together. he was a year older and with his floppy brown hair cut into curtains and dark brown eyes friends joked he was the spitting image of peter Andre. he worked in cargo handling at heathrow Airport and as well as being gorgeous, he was a loving, kind man.
A huge support
When our son, tom*, was born five years later, darran was such a support. tom had been born 11 weeks prematurely and we had been so terrified we’d lose him. yet darran had helped me keep strong and after five weeks we proudly brought our baby back to our home in staines, surrey. We settled into a happy life marrying in september 2008 and, five years on, darran got promoted to cargo security manager. determined to look the part, he joined the gym. Before long, he was going for nights out with his work mates, rolling in after 10pm. ‘i need to make a good impression with the team,’ he’d say. i was proud he was trying so hard.
And, in June 2013, we had more good news – i was pregnant again. We hadn’t been trying but i was delighted that tom, then nine, would have a little brother or sister. But when i told darran later that evening, he just stared blankly at the tv, barely mustering a smile.
‘darran, did you hear me?’ i asked. ‘i’m pregnant.’ he looked at me. ‘Are you sure?’ he said, frowning.
And in that instant i felt crushed. he didn’t say anything else and, as we sat there in cold silence, i desperately tried to think what could be wrong. ‘he just needs some time to get used to the idea,’ i told myself finally. only, five months later, darran had grown more snappy, more distant. ‘What’s wrong?’ i said. ‘We can’t go on like this.’ darran turned to me. ‘i just don’t want it to be like last time,’ he said, and walked out of the room.
i sat there for a second, shocked. But then it hit me. he was just worrying that this baby would be premature, too. i tried to reassure him everything would be ok, but darran still didn’t feel like talking.
Making excuses
thankfully, the pregnancy went well and Amy* was born in April 2014. i hoped darran would now stop worrying and things would go back to the way they had been before. But while he was all smiles for the kids, he barely gave me a second glance – unless he was in the mood for sex. But in a way i took comfort that he still wanted us to make love. ‘it must just be work stress that’s making him grumpy,’ i thought.
in may 2016, it was my 37th birthday and i thought it would finally be a chance for darran to show me that he cared. Usually, he treated me to a nice meal out and lots of gifts. But my face fell when he just handed me a card with some money inside. ‘thanks,’ i said, and hoped that perhaps he was going to surprise me later. But there was no meal out either
‘Darran had grown snappy and distant’
and that evening, as we sat watching tv, i scrolled through my Facebook feed reading birthday messages from my friends. it was then that i spotted that Christmas snap of me and darran in the Forest of dean. ‘i miss the way we used to be,’ i cried to him. his face screwed up in mock disgust. ‘stop being an idiot,’ he said and went to bed. things remained even colder between us after that and, desperate to get back on track, i organised a holiday to Bournemouth.
‘sorry,’ he said, when i announced my plan. ‘i can’t get the time off work.’ i was furious and decided to take the kids anyway, hoping he’d miss us.
Devastated
yet my calls and texts remained unanswered, and when i got home the house was a mess. taking out the recycling, i spotted an empty wine bottle. that’s odd, i thought. darran hated wine. then as i was putting my things away in the wardrobe, i found his credit card statement stuffed next to his slippers. i couldn’t help glancing at the long list of entries – they were all for restaurants and bars from the past three months.
Who had he gone out with? What had he been up to? my head was spinning and then there, at the bottom of the wardrobe, i saw a small silver packet. it was an opened condom wrapper. We didn’t use them, i was on the pill. What was going on?
shaking, i sat waiting for darran to come home. When i heard the front door click open, i pounced. ‘What’s this?’ i said, holding out the wine bottle. he shook his head, wearily. ‘you’re being paranoid, naomi,’ he said. ‘i had the wine while you were away.’ then i showed him the credit card statement. ‘And that’s for the company card everyone uses,’ he said.’ he seemed so calm, so unfazed. ‘And what about this?’ i said exasperated and pulled out the condom wrapper. he shrugged, barely batting an eyelid.
As he walked away, i even began to think that perhaps i was going mad. so i didn’t say anything more. But a couple of months later we had a blazing row about him not spending enough time at home. ‘i can’t handle this,’ he raged. ‘i’m going to stay with a friend.’ And he turned and left.
Enough is enough
days passed and darran didn’t make any contact. But checking his instagram account i gasped as i saw he’d cropped me out of all of his pictures. then scrolling through his feed, i noticed ‘likes’ and comments from a woman called ellie*. Clicking on her profile, i saw a young-looking woman in her 20s – and she was wearing the same airport work uniform as darran.
Under one picture was a caption she’d written about moving into a new place with the ‘love of my life’. i felt sick as my gut instinct told me exactly who it was – my husband. suddenly all the gym sessions and nights out made sense. Furious, i called him. ‘Are you having an affair?’ i asked, my voice quivering. ‘stop being mental,’ he shouted back. But i kept on. ‘so you’re not with ellie from work then?’ i asked. there was a long pause before darran replied. ‘ok, yes,’ he said.
i slammed down the phone and the next day, when he came to get his stuff, i told him i wanted a divorce. he didn’t say anything, just kept bragging about his ‘hot’ new girlfriend. it was the final insult and i set about piecing together a new life for my and the kids. darran has never apologised for his deceit but i realise i’m far happier now i don’t have to live in the shadow of his horrible mood swings.
perhaps one day i’ll find love, but for now i’m concentrating on being the best mum to tom and Amy. As long as i have them, i’ll be ok.
‘I began to think that perhaps I was going mad’