A problem shared: Our therapist Anita Naik tackles your concerns

Mum-of-two Anita Naik has been an agony aunt for 25 years

QWith so many Christmas parties happening at the moment, my husband is out drinking every night. And when I say drinking, I mean coming home blind drunk and blacking out nearly every other day. In the morning, he can’t remember how much he drank or where he’s been. His friends laugh about it but these blackouts have me worried.

Clare, 44, London

AYou’re right to be worried – blackouts and drinking heavily every night are signs your husband needs to calm down his partying. While the amount of alcohol it takes to cause a blackout varies with each person, it’s always an indication that too much alcohol has been consumed. Multiple blackouts in a week could also mean something medical is wrong, so a visit to the doctor is in order. Go with him and explain what’s happening because firm words from a your GP may be what your husband needs.

Why should I be the one to forgive?

QFive months ago I found out my husband was cheating and though we have worked it through, I just can’t forgive him. He knows this but says I need to let it go now. We saw a counsellor, who also said I needed to find a way to move on. Why am I left feeling like it’s up to me to make this work?

Andrea, 45, Manchester

AI think you’ve misconstrued what the counsellor said. It’s not up to you to make this work but if you feel you want to give your relationship another go, you need to find a way to live with what’s happened. You sound unhappy, angry and nowhere close to having ‘worked it through’. Go back to the counsellor alone and be 100% honest about how you feel and why.