How did you score?

MOSTLY ■

You hold a grudge.

Being wronged by someone makes your blood boil, and you want them to pay for it – even years later! Feeling vengeful is a natural response when hurt, but it’s essential to get peace of mind. ‘Over time, negative feelings hold consequences for us as we get locked in cycles of bitter feelings,’ says Dr Vyas-lee. Ongoing anger can raise cortisol in the body – elevated levels can cause gut issues and high blood pressure.

HOW TO HEAL Trapped in the grip of resentment? ‘First, soothe yourself and calm your nervous system,’ says Dr Vyas-lee. Try mindfulness techniques or go for a walk. ‘You can then think about the pros and cons of forgiveness.’ Also, develop awareness of why you’re feeling a certain way. ‘This can help to gain distance between yourself and your reactions.’

MOSTLY ▲

You forgive but rarely forget.

You have a healthy approach to moving on and can forgive others for their mistakes, but you also never fully forget the moment. Sound familiar? This can be a good thing, as you learn from difficult situations and can channel pain into making positive changes. Just be careful you’re not guarded in relationships due to past events.

HOW TO HEAL ‘True forgiveness is a process that needs time and space to develop,’ says Dr Vyas-lee. So don’t rush to restore the status quo, only to mull over things later. This can lead to overthinking and sleepless nights as you worry about the past. Acknowledge your feelings at the time and accept that you’re hurt. ‘Then take the empowering steps to remove yourself from negative thought cycles that serve to keep traumas and difficult experiences alive.’

MOSTLY ●

You’re hard on yourself.

You have no problem forgiving others, but showing yourself forgiveness is more difficult. You always take responsibility for your side of the row, often beating yourself up for the things you did and said. The impact on your health? Carrying this burden of blame can manifest in headaches and chronic fatigue.

HOW TO HEAL Show yourself the same compassion that you extend to other people – understanding that everyone makes mistakes. ‘Forgiving yourself plays an important part in your healing journey after an argument,’ says Dr Vyas-lee. It helps if the other person is remorseful and shows empathy too, ‘but we can still choose to forgive ourselves for our own benefit’.

MOSTLY ✦

You forgive too easily.

You struggle to hold others accountable – even when their actions have been hurtful or they’ve taken your kindness for granted. ‘There’s a fine line between being passive and being forgiving,’ explains Dr Vyas-lee. While you’d rather let someone off the hook than sit with your uncomfortable feelings of anger and disappointment, remember that it’s possible to forgive without being a pushover. Over time, not honouring yourself can lead to feelings of anxiety or depression.

HOW TO HEAL Been treated badly? ‘Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you have to continue in the relationship,’ says Dr Vyas-lee. ‘You can forgive but choose never to speak to them again, which is recommended in toxic and unchanging abusive relationships.’ Seeing the good in people is one of your best traits, but holding on to a bit of hurt can help you set boundaries and assert your needs.