It’s A Funny Old World:

Arthur Smith

Woman's Weekly (UK) - - Contents - *This guar­an­tee is mean­ing­less.

Do you ever find you feel mis­er­able? For no ap­par­ent rea­son? If you an­swer ‘no’ to this perfectly rea­son­able ques­tion then you’re either ly­ing, or you’re a chil­dren’s TV pre­sen­ter. Feel­ing down is a part of life as surely as is breath­ing. But worry not, be­cause here come Arthur Smith’s Top 6 Things You Can Do To Stave Off Mis­ery. Un­like sim­i­lar regimes dreamed up by doc­tors and ther­a­pists, this one re­quires very lit­tle ef­fort (no jog­ging!) and can be knocked off dur­ing the course of a morn­ing, at the end of which I GUAR­AN­TEE* you will be feel­ing far bet­ter than you were:

Start gently by con­grat­u­lat­ing

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your­self that you’ve man­aged to get up, clean your teeth and put your clothes on, not only in the cor­rect or­der but also the right way round. Well done!

Think of a good friend you haven’t 2

seen for a while, and then send them a post­card. Yes, a proper post­card – with a nice pic­ture on one side and a fond mes­sage, an ad­dress and a stamp on the other. As you post it imag­ine your pal re­ceiv­ing it, their pleased face, that smile you’ve seen so of­ten… then pop into a shop and buy your­self a lit­tle ed­i­ble (or drink­able) lux­ury, such as a slab of your favourite choco­late. Put this to one side.

Have a clear out. Come on, gather 3

up those shoes you know you will never ac­tu­ally wear, the old DVDs, tapes and videos, the chipped teapot etc and squash them into that suit­case with the bro­ken wheels. De­posit the whole damn lot in your lo­cal char­ity shop. (NB if your de­spair is re­ally ex­treme you could, ad­di­tion­ally, throw out a mem­ber of your fam­ily). You and your house will feel lighter. And, hey, while you’re in the shop, take a quick shufti at the clothes racks – it may be your lucky day!

Re­mem­ber that song you used to 4

love but haven’t heard for a while? Yes, that one. Go and stick it on re­ally loud – even if it is Lady in Red. Shut your eyes and, if nec­es­sary, dance! As Katie Price once re­marked, ‘mu­sic hath charms to soothe the glum lady.’

Make a cup of tea. We Bri­tish

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know this bet­ter than any­one; if in doubt, make a cup of tea.

Turn on the TV, sip your tea, and, 6

for five min­utes, watch any re­al­ity TV show; savour the beau­ti­ful fact that you are not one of the poor saps tak­ing part in it. Then switch the TV off. You have now suc­cess­fully com­pleted the six ac­tiv­i­ties. It re­mains only for you to sit qui­etly and tuck in to that lit­tle treat you bought af­ter you went to the post­box ear­lier. Oh yes and – why not? – make an­other cup of tea and, go on with you, take the af­ter­noon off.

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