I miss my par­ents so much

Woman's Weekly (UK) - - Here To Help -

Dear Keren

My mother died 18 months ago fol­lowed by my fa­ther a few months later. I’m re­ally strug­gling to cope. My hus­band and chil­dren are get­ting fed up with me. They rightly say that they were both in their late 80s and I’m in my 60s and I should have ex­pected this to hap­pen, es­pe­cially as they were both frail and un­well. I know it’s not a tragedy but I just can’t find a way to move on. My hus­band lost his par­ents when he was very young and I know he thinks I’ve been very lucky so have lit­tle to be up­set about.

Name and ad­dress with­held

O

ur par­ents are the main­stay of our lives for so many years that, even if we’re older with our own fam­ily, los­ing them leaves us feel­ing bereft and ‘or­phaned’. Of course it’s not a tragedy, as your par­ents were in their 80s, but it’s still a shock and you need sup­port while you’re griev­ing. It would be good to talk about this to your hus­band. For him, the loss of your par­ents will prob­a­bly have re­opened his sad­ness about his own par­ents and he may find he is re­liv­ing the pain. It’s es­pe­cially hard to lose your par­ents when you’re young. But, in­stead of this mak­ing him more sup­port­ive, it sounds as though it’s mak­ing him an­gry as he didn’t want to have to feel that par­tic­u­lar loss again. He’ll also be miss­ing his in-laws as they would have been part of his life for many years.

This may be a very good time to talk to him about his loss. Why not use this as an op­por­tu­nity to share your feel­ings? It should help to bring you closer to­gether. When some­one dies, we go through a num­ber of stages of grief. Some­times, we get can get stuck. I won­der if this is what’s hap­pened to you? I sug­gest you talk to your GP and ask for some coun­selling. A few ses­sions will help you to feel eas­ier within your­self.

Los­ing par­ents at any age is hard

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