I miss my parents so much
Dear Keren
My mother died 18 months ago followed by my father a few months later. I’m really struggling to cope. My husband and children are getting fed up with me. They rightly say that they were both in their late 80s and I’m in my 60s and I should have expected this to happen, especially as they were both frail and unwell. I know it’s not a tragedy but I just can’t find a way to move on. My husband lost his parents when he was very young and I know he thinks I’ve been very lucky so have little to be upset about.
Name and address withheld
O
ur parents are the mainstay of our lives for so many years that, even if we’re older with our own family, losing them leaves us feeling bereft and ‘orphaned’. Of course it’s not a tragedy, as your parents were in their 80s, but it’s still a shock and you need support while you’re grieving. It would be good to talk about this to your husband. For him, the loss of your parents will probably have reopened his sadness about his own parents and he may find he is reliving the pain. It’s especially hard to lose your parents when you’re young. But, instead of this making him more supportive, it sounds as though it’s making him angry as he didn’t want to have to feel that particular loss again. He’ll also be missing his in-laws as they would have been part of his life for many years.
This may be a very good time to talk to him about his loss. Why not use this as an opportunity to share your feelings? It should help to bring you closer together. When someone dies, we go through a number of stages of grief. Sometimes, we get can get stuck. I wonder if this is what’s happened to you? I suggest you talk to your GP and ask for some counselling. A few sessions will help you to feel easier within yourself.