Real life: ‘Living with my adult daughter again’
Olivia Greenway, 60, thought her daughter had moved out for good. But she was in for a surprise. Here, she tells us what happened next...
‘Debts from Rachel’s studies meant she just couldn’t afford a place of her own’
I’ll never forget the day my daughter Rachel, then 22, told me she was going to move back home.
It was June 2015, and she’d been studying for a degree in chemistry at Hull University.
After living away for a few years, she wanted to come back to resit some exams and complete an internship.
She stressed it was only temporary but then, after graduating, she decided she fancied a career change and signed up to a fast-track course in journalism. It meant her moving back home permanently, until she was earning. After accumulating debts from her studies she just couldn’t afford a place of her own. Of course, I didn’t mind and told her I was happy to help her out and let her stay.
Rachel had flown the nest… and then flown back! It had all been very different in my day. When I headed for university over 40 years ago, as far as my parents were concerned, I’d left home and that was that. And during my second year of studies, my parents had actually moved to a smaller home, so I no longer had a bedroom at their place anyway.
But that had been back in the 1970s and then, living with your parents at 23 years old, just wasn’t the done thing.
Yet, however happy we were to have Rachel back with us, her stepdad Paul, 60, and I knew it was best to set some ground rules. When she’d left for university, she’d been a teenager and now she was an adult and it was important we both understood how best to make this new set-up work.
So we agreed Rachel’s room
was her private space. I’d knock before going in and never venture into it when she was out. If she wanted to make a mess in there, that was up to her. Fortunately, I knew Rachel liked to keep things clean and tidy, just like I did.
In return, she agreed she’d use headphones to listen to her music late at night and when she went on Skype.
Paul and I work hard, me as a writer and him as a software developer, and tend to go to bed earlier than her. So Rachel knew she didn’t want to disturb us.
She also said that she’d always check with us before inviting friends over. We wouldn’t charge her rent but if she did earn odd bits of money here and there from part-time jobs between studying, then she’d help contribute a little to the housekeeping. She also would do some of the chores around the house to help me out.
And it worked very well. Rachel soon settled back in and now Paul and I really love having her back. She enjoys cooking and makes the dinner for us all most nights.
She’s a keen recycler and disapproves of any food waste, so I like the way she makes sure we’re as resourceful with our meals as possible.
In fact, we get on so well now. Gone are the stroppy teenage tantrums and argumentative attitude.
Now we share a mutual love and respect. Rachel confides in me and we talk about all sorts such as relationships, fashion, music and books.
Living together as adults has brought us closer and I admire the strong, confident young woman that I’ve raised.
Rachel gets along brilliantly with Paul. He’s been in her life since she was nine and they have a fantastic relationship.
Very occasionally, Paul and I long for it to be just the two of us – a nice, quiet home, where we can relax without the worry of someone living under our roof.
However, we know that Rachel won’t be living with us forever, and when she does go, we’ll miss her terribly. But for now, we know we are giving her a helping hand at a time when she needs it most and, hopefully, it will act as a springboard to give her a good head start when she eventually sets out on her own. And for us, that’s reward in itself.
‘We get on so well now. Gone are the stroppy teenage
tantrums’