I can’t rebuild my life as a widow
Dear Keren
I was widowed a year ago, and I’m really struggling to build a new life. I was married for 26 years. We didn’t have any children, so he was my world and we did everything together. My friends and family have been very supportive, but they’re now all telling me to get out there and meet new people and not spend so much time at home. I find their nagging upsetting, so I’ve stopped seeing them as much. I took a few months off work, but have gone back now. But, by the end of the day, all I want to do is come home and stay in. Nothing outside seems to appeal.
Beth, Liverpool
Losing someone you love is traumatic, and it’s never more so than when it’s your long-term partner. Others may want you to ‘get over it’ but you can’t do it just to please them. You can help yourself, however. Keep yourself physically healthy with exercise. As well as helping you feel stronger, it’ll also stimulate the production of endorphins that will make you feel better.
The best way to begin creating a new life when you’re ready to venture out is little by little. Here are a few tips to help you:
Think about the kinds of thing you might like doing and make a list – for example, dancing or walking, helping in a shop or becoming a befriender.
Now decide which of these activities you’d like to pursue and in which order. Find out where there are local classes, groups you can join, places looking for volunteers.
Choose your first activity and fix a time to do it – and arrange to go back if you enjoy it.
Try to do something new each month until you have enough in your diary. And, of course, don’t forget your old friends – they’re still there and they may even want to join you in one of your new activities.
If you find you continue to feel unable to take the next steps, you may benefit from some bereavement counselling. A good place to look is Cruse (visit cruse.org.uk or call 0808 808 1677).