It’s A Funny Old World: Helen Lederer
‘I opened the door to a wonderfully tidy-looking person, who wasted no time in attacking my wardrobe’
There’s one thing you can learn if, like me, you’re a person who ‘works from home’, and that is the art of procrastination. Over the years, I’ve discovered a few reliable time-wasting techniques. These can range from boiling a kettle to seeking out the perfect antique fish knife on eBay, which can take up quite a lot of time if you do it well.
But my recent ‘go to’ activity is a bit unusual. It’s storage. I’ve discovered that a rather thorough (OK, obsessive) new interest in all things to do with storage has taken me into a myriad of interesting areas, and all of them are gloriously diverting.
I first turned my attention to a new linen basket as my base storage item. Should I go for a crafted wickerwork drum shape or a monogrammed, hessian upright with the word ‘dirty’ on it? I chose the former – no need to advertise the state of my undies (and what if some clever person added the word ‘very’ in front of it? Not good).
Venturing next into the coat-hanger realm, I discovered there’s a range of velveteen types that enable all one’s strappy evening dresses (I have two) to stay hung up. This made me very happy. Life is too short to allow oneself to be mentally derailed at the sight of an evening dress with one shoulder strap clinging on, and one hanging down like a sulky teenager.
Another internet trawl revealed the glories of scented shelf liners, so another half-hour was lost agonising over which signature odour to choose – lavender, lily of the valley… In the end, I plumped for bergamot, as my yoga teacher uses bergamot for a mood-enhancing workout, and my woollens might need cheering up.
Now, you’d think that with all this perfect hanging, scenting and discreet knicker storing, I’d be done, but no. Next came the crème de la crème of storage. I found a human being who had made it her profession! After filling in a quick questionnaire about my needs, hopes and dreams in the wardrobe department (I said I wanted a ‘showcase of storage excellence’), I opened the door to a wonderfully tidy-looking person, who wasted no time in attacking my wardrobe with military precision and skill.
The woman meant business. Out went the 10 denim skirts – identical but never worn – and in came some glorious anti-moth hanging things. I had no idea moths liked the colour beige so much (which explained why my favourite Spanx thigh-huggers were in tatters). More embarrassingly, they also go for dirty clothing. My storage expert pursed her lips and pointed to quite a few soiled garments that had been stored away before any wine, food and gosh-knows-what-other unsightly elements had been laundered out. I was mortified.
The pile of sullied clothing was placed on the landing to be sanitised, leaving my shelves free of clothing, but awash with bergamot. I am happy. My showcase of storage excellence is a thing of great satisfaction. So much so, I am back online, and my attention has been caught by a whole new family of Tupperware storage boxes…
Deadlines? What deadlines?