Are they jealous?

I’m overcome with grief

Q I had a horrible year last year. My father and mother died; they were elderly and I miss them desperately. My husband was diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing treatment, and my daughter’s marriage has failed and she has come back home. I am overwhelmed with grief. When will it go away or at least get easier? Name and address withheld

A I’m sorry you had such a difficult year with so many losses and potential losses. In my opinion, grief never fully goes away but it changes from being acute into something you know is there and which is sometimes triggered by events or memories. It’s OK to be sad, and to express it and to share your feelings. I know you’re having to be strong for your husband and daughter. Why not take some time out for yourself? I think you’d find counselling very helpful, as the counsellor would be there to listen and support you. Talk to your GP or your husband’s oncology team, as they’ll be able to point you in the right direction. Q I live in New Zealand and I know we’ve been very lucky in this pandemic. We had a strict lockdown and since then we’ve had a mask-free, normal life. I’ve lived here for 15 years. My friends in the UK appear cross with me when I speak to them and often tell me I don’t understand their life.

It makes me sad. I always felt I was living a parallel life to them and now they feel I’m not. Arlene, Auckland, New Zealand

A How wonderful to have been able to escape a lot of the effects of the pandemic. It’s true that you won’t have had the same experience as those in the UK. I wonder if your friends are cross with you or are a bit disappointed that they too can’t be living like you. I expect they’re also missing you and sometimes we can express our emotions in the ‘wrong’ way so we appear upset with one thing when it’s another. I think it’s important that you acknowledge that you have more freedom in your current situation but that doesn’t mean you don’t understand their lives.