LETTING OFF STEAM

When to moan, when to zip it

Naomi Campbell has nothing on you when it comes to having a good moan. But while it might seem a great idea to vent to anyone in your firing line (co-workers, mates, disinterested Uber driver) about sleeping through your alarm or being ghosted after four months of what you thought was dating bliss, experts believe whingeing can have a negative impact on your physical and mental wellbeing. Not to mention you’re likely to put your mates on a downer – or lose them altogether by developing a rep for being the ultimate drain. Feel a moan coming on? Take a deep breath and swap your signature grumble for these more positive, practical steps.

THE SITUATION

Your idiot friend Whatsapps you about the final episode of a TV show you’re yet to watch, totally spoiling the twist at the end.

THE FIX

Yes, you want to punch said friend square in the face, we get it – totally understandable. But now is the time to defuse your anger rather than act on it. Steady your hands before you hit ‘send’ on a rant and walk away from your phone for a few minutes, breathing deeply. Studies have shown anger dissipates faster when your body is in a relaxed state.

THE SITUATION

Your neighbour writes you a note because you dared to have fun post-9pm.

THE FIX

Will bitching to a mutual acquaintance solve the problem? That would be a no. Complaining’s not the same as calling out others on bad behaviour, so respond with a note (or better yet, a face-to-face chat) explaining that your home is your own and you’re acting within your council’s rules (giving you the benefit of the doubt here), but you’ll always be mindful of them. Less satisfying than egging their house, perhaps, but you’ll win adulting points.

THE SITUATION

Working late. Again. On the Friday of a bank holiday weekend. Yay.

THE FIX

Hideous, sure – Friday nights are for cheat meals, not report writing. But this warrants a convo with your boss, not a whinge at your other half when you do finally make it home. Don’t blame your workload or criticise colleagues for not pulling their weight: it’ll only increase tension and suggest you’re shirking responsibility. Address your concerns using ‘I’ instead of ‘you’ statements, be open to your manager’s response and identify possible solutions.

THE SITUATION

The bride decides she wants two hen parties, as well as her destination wedding. And you’re chief organiser.

THE FIX

Shy of throwing a bitch fit and renouncing all bridesmaid duties, all you can essentially do here is take one for the team and suck it up. But put pen to paper in the meantime. Studies show expressive writing can be more useful than verbal venting because it provides more perspective on what’s behind your feelings, rather than the agg itself, which can help establish control. Write it down, read it back, then bin it.