GOING IT ALONE
Feel at ease at a table for one
Some people do really well out of going it alone: Beyoncé, Robbie Williams, Lee from Blue (okay, not so much), and guess what? You’d benefit, too. Granted, the mere thought of requesting a table for one may have you frantically scrolling through your contacts for anyone who’ll come along (your nan would be up for a midweek Nando’s, right?), but spending time alone should be working its way up your agenda – and we mean quality time. ‘Solitude lets you evaluate how you feel in your life without others’ opinions,’ says psychologist Emma Kenny*. ‘Whether it’s going for a walk, grabbing a coffee or simply people-watching, creating “self space” reassures you of your confidence and independence.’
ME, MYSELF AND I
The problem is that trite phrase: ‘me-time’, which smacks of selfindulgence. ‘The cliché still exists that when women take a moment for themselves, their default is soaking in the bath with a wine glass in hand, which is incredibly limiting,’ says Caitlin Faas, psychology professor at Mount St. Mary’s University, US. But why the expectation that you want to spend your free time re-enacting a Cadbury’s Flake ad instead of having actual out-of-the-house fun? The short answer is that we’ve been conditioned to equate that sort of pleasure with group activities – and that to socialise with yourself, as it were, is almost something to be embarrassed about. ‘The “spotlight effect” is common in these circumstances,’ says Kenny, ‘because you think that the whole world is staring at – and judging – you. That’s because you tend to do most things in life with others – with your parents as a child, with peers at school, with colleagues in adulthood and so on. So it feels foreign to spend time alone.’
GO IT ALONE
But by giving in to this fear, you’re missing out. A 2015 study in the Journal Of Consumer Research found that when participants did something alone – in this case, schlepping around a museum – they reported as much enjoyment as people who visited in the safety of pairs. ‘When you do something alone, you can do it without worrying about anyone else’s feelings,’ says Kenny. ‘The experience becomes effortless and you get exactly what you want from it.’ Feeling the stares of others? Don’t think the worst. If people notice you’re alone – and that’s a big if – they’re more likely to admire your balls than presume you’re persona non grata. Research found that a woman enjoying her own company comes across as being open-minded and curious. Plus, spending time by yourself boosts confidence, reduces stress and is a great opportunity to really get to know who you are. ‘It’s normal to feel awkward at first,’ says Kenny. ‘But the only way to get comfortable is to stick at it; the more you practise being on your own, the more natural it will become.’ That table for one is starting to look much less terrifying, eh?