OMG! OMG! I’M NOT COMING!
it with a fellow clitoris-owner doesn’t mean your needs will be met. ‘I’ve slept with women who’ve been attentive and others who don’t think anything of not returning the favour,’ says Romy, 34, from Leeds. ‘I don’t think lesbians necessarily have a better understanding of the female body, or that we’re any better at communicating what we want.’ Most sex studies focus on heterosexuals, and they all point to the fact that women are so stifled by unvoiced expectation and people-pleasing, it’s easier to fake it than make it. A third of women in long-term relationships have faked or ‘performed’ an orgasm, according to a 2017 survey†. But what of one-night stands, which deliver lust and excitement in place of romantic history and familiarity? Still no cigar – a fifth of females have feigned it, which perhaps isn’t surprising when you learn that a woman’s chance of climaxing during such an encounter is a meagre 11%, according to research in the journal American Social Review. Lucy, a 27-year-old advertising strategist from Cheshire, admits pretending to orgasm makes her feel more secure when sleeping with a man she’s just met. ‘I want him to like me and think I’m good in bed. Even if the sex isn’t doing it for me, I want to make him feel like it is. He’s not going to think he’s had a good time if I make him feel crap about his performance.’
SEX ON THE BRAIN
According to experts, the issue of women racking up more Os is less about the body and more about your mind. ‘After initial arousal, it’s necessary to let go and drop into a space of reduced control if you’re actually going to experience an orgasm,’ Dr Prause says. How? Well, by any means necessary – even if that means focusing on something other than your partner. ‘If you’re struggling to orgasm, you might have to visualise whatever it is that really turns you on,’ says Dr Prause. ‘And if that’s someone else, that’s okay.’ But what if the issue is more about what’s going on down below? ‘Great orgasms never happen when you’re wishing your partner would just move their finger a little to the left but holding your tongue,’ says sex and relationships therapist Cate Campbell. Dr Mintz agrees: ‘Good sex requires clear communication and problem-solving.’ So, whether you’ve been sleeping with your partner for 10 years or 10 minutes – speak up. Unless, that is, the person you’re sleeping with believes sex finishes when they do. In that case, well, you know what to do.
‘IT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU’RE WISHING THEY’D JUST MOVE THEIR FINGER A LITTLE TO THE LEFT’