‘Before I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (another term for emotionally unstable personality disorder) two years ago, I thought that unmanageable emotions were just part of who I was. I’d been treated for an eating disorder – which I still struggle with – but BPD was different. With anorexia, my inner perfectionist gets satisfaction from controlling my size and weight, but BPD is about how others relate to me, something that’s impossible to control.
BPD is at its most destructive in personal relationships. I rarely let myself get close to people, but when I do, things can get extreme. In the past, I’ve resorted to obsessive messaging and emotional blackmail – even suicide threats – to keep partners and friends.
Antidepressants and antipsychotic medication help, as do skills I’ve learned in relationship therapy. I imagine these thoughts will always be swimming in my mind – I just know to make sure I limit their airtime.’ Twitter @Ha_bi_ba