HABIBA KHANOM

Women's Health (UK) - - STRENGTH IN NUMBERS -

24, JOUR­NAL­IST

‘Be­fore I was di­ag­nosed with border­line per­son­al­ity dis­or­der (an­other term for emo­tion­ally un­sta­ble per­son­al­ity dis­or­der) two years ago, I thought that un­man­age­able emo­tions were just part of who I was. I’d been treated for an eat­ing dis­or­der – which I still strug­gle with – but BPD was dif­fer­ent. With anorexia, my in­ner per­fec­tion­ist gets sat­is­fac­tion from con­trol­ling my size and weight, but BPD is about how oth­ers re­late to me, some­thing that’s im­pos­si­ble to con­trol.

BPD is at its most de­struc­tive in per­sonal re­la­tion­ships. I rarely let my­self get close to peo­ple, but when I do, things can get ex­treme. In the past, I’ve re­sorted to ob­ses­sive mes­sag­ing and emo­tional black­mail – even sui­cide threats – to keep part­ners and friends.

An­tide­pres­sants and an­tipsy­chotic med­i­ca­tion help, as do skills I’ve learned in re­la­tion­ship ther­apy. I imag­ine these thoughts will al­ways be swim­ming in my mind – I just know to make sure I limit their air­time.’ Twit­ter @Ha_bi_ba

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