FRENZY ALL THE WAY

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, right? Oh behave, there’s nothing quite like Christmas to send contentment levels plummeting. But read on – there’s help to swerve festive frazzle

Sick of all things Santa? Here’s how to survive December

‘NO ONE POSTS PICTURES OF CRAP PRESENTS OR BLOATED STOMACHS’

All should be merry and bright. So why is there a tinsel-shaped knot of dread in the pit of your stomach? That right there is what we’re calling festive anxiety. It rears its ugly head in late November, somewhere between trying to create a Christmas that’s more perfect than the John Lewis ad, cramming in some festive face time with your entire contacts book and dropping more than your annual gym membership on presents for everyone from your BFF to Brenda in accounts. If you’re already brainstorming ways to escape Christmas entirely, you need to figure out a plan. Here’s how to Yuletide-proof your mind through to New Year, and beyond.

PERFECT MONTH SYNDROME (PMS)

There’s nothing like the calendar changing from 30 November to 1 December to turn the Grinchiest of Scrooges among us into Buddy the elf, running around trying to make sure this Christmas is the most perfect yet. So what gives? Unsurprisingly, the problem isn’t Christmas, it’s us. ‘You tend to look back on the Christmases of your childhood through rose-tinted spectacles,’ says Sally Brown, a therapist who specialises in anxiety (therapythatworks.co.uk). ‘So when you grow up, you go into a frenzy of organisation and spending in a bid to create that ‘special time’. But you’re trying to recreate something that never really existed; it was never perfect – in reality, there were tantrums, tears and disappointments.’ So how can you get over this contrived need for perfection and learn to enjoy Christmas for what it is – a thoroughly imperfect time with occasional pockets of joy. ‘Stop trying to have the Christmas you think you should be having and start doing it your own way,’ suggests Nicky Lidbetter, CEO of Anxiety UK. ‘Just because some people like to spend the day cooking, drinking and seeing family doesn’t mean you have to.’ If you want to get up at 5am, go and do a park run, banish presents completely and have sashimi for Christmas dinner, that’s your call. Ditch the cardboard cutout Christmas in favour of new traditions and you might find you enjoy it a whole lot more. ‘The irony is that what makes it a special time of year is that feeling of connection and goodwill,’ adds Brown. ‘And that’s something you can’t buy.’ Amen to that.

SMALL-TALK TERROR

Having to make nice over an Iceland King Prawn Ring can strike dread into the most sociable of butterflies. Coming up against boring, awkward conversations, whether that’s as your partner’s plus-one or with your own family, is mandatory at this time of year. ‘It might sound ridiculous, but try rehearsing the party in your mind beforehand,’ suggests Chloe Brotheridge, author of The Anxiety Solution. ‘Part of social anxiety stems from imagining that things will go wrong – making awkward small talk with that colleague you’ve never clicked with or forgetting the name of a friend of a friend. Rehearse different scenarios, plan some conversation openers and make a note of any topics that make you feel uncomfortable.’ Or particular people to avoid, for that matter. Yes, you might feel like a fun-sponge having to prep for a party, but research suggests that when we go into something expecting it to go well, it’s more likely to be a success. The other reason for those pre-party nerves is the sheer volume of events in your diary. ‘Anxiety has a cumulative effect – it’s like water dripping into a glass. If you don’t empty it regularly, it’ll overflow,’ says Brown. ‘It’s essential to incorporate some element of relaxation where possible and build in breaks from socialising.’ Block out at least two slots each week over the party season for dedicated R&R – make one a weeknight and the other time at the weekend. Expect to feel a bit of FOMO if you have to miss the odd do, but a date with the sofa can feel like pressing the reset button, putting you back on

sparkling form for the next gathering. ‘If you really can’t say no to an invite, take a tip from legendary US Vogue editor Anna Wintour and never stay at any party for more than 20 minutes,’ Brown adds. ‘If that sounds too drastic, make up your own rules – maybe you leave by 10pm or only have two drinks.’ You can still have fun, but without over-egging the, erm, eggnog. Repeat after us: it’s just mulled wine and nibbles.

MESSAGING MADNESS

From the onslaught of messages trying to organise ‘The Girls’ Christmas Lunch’ to feeling deep envy at the colour scheme of your boss’s Christmas tree, the social media admin that the end of the year demands is exhausting. But it isn’t just exhausting. A recent study published in the journal Computers In Human Behavior found a strong link between juggling multiple social platforms and feelings of depression and anxiety among young adults. And if you’ve ever felt your entire Facebook feed is having way more fun than you, it turns out that’s a thing, too. Computer scientists at Indiana University have dubbed that specific feeling of inadequacy the ‘Happiness Paradox’. ‘Social media can induce anxiety at any time, but with the increase in posts at this time of year, Christmas serves to exacerbate it,’ says Brown. ‘Don’t lose yourself in scrolling. Stay aware and try to monitor how it’s making you feel. If it gets too much, log off for a day or two.’ Also remind yourself that what you’re looking at is a curated version of events. Nobody posts the crap presents, the bloated stomach, the sobbing in the toilets or the afternoons spent watching repeats of Come Dine With Me wishing they’d booked those flights abroad when they had the chance. Here’s an idea: turn off your feeds when you clock off work for the year: that’s real festive spirit.

FAMILY VALUES

Whether that squabble is fuelled by Articulate or something stronger, consider a festive family feud as much of a tradition as blasting out Mariah Carey on repeat. ‘No matter how much your life has moved on and you’ve changed as a person, there’s a family dynamic that descends at Christmas that feels frozen in time,’ says Brown. ‘If you’re returning to the family home, the odds of changing that dynamic are stacked against you because it’s full of environmental cues – from the decorations to where