Words of the week

YOU – Yorkshire’sGeoffreycan’t bat. Boycott batting You lamentswoes can’t at win. the Scarborough Festival. THEYfire and will the be fury met like with the seen. world– Presidenthas never Donaldon North Trump Korea’s nuclear threat. DISGRACEFULoffensive. – US VicePresident and description Mikeof a Pence’sreport that he might run for the presidency in 2020. NOT the sort of bangles I usually choose on holiday. – Jeremy Clarkson on the identity tags he is wearing after being admitted to hospital with pneumonia. I DON’T eat anything, I’m like a plant. – Noel Fielding, The Great British Bake Off ’s host, saying he won’t be eating the show’s array of cakes for fear of putting on weight. IF I am honest it’s not something I’ll ever really make peace with. I accept it because I have to. – Arlene Phillips on her removal as a Strictly Come Dancing judge. WE haven’t yet heard about ‘Brexit jihadis’ but there is an undercurrent of violence in the language which is troubling. The old have comprehensively shafted the young. – Liberal Democrat leader Sir Vince Cable.

THE one thing I’d change about myself is to have a smaller forehead and a smaller chin. They’re both way too big and my friends are always ribbing me about them. – Singer Olly Murs.

EVEN a blind person on a galloping horse can ‘see’ that currently the Tories are all over the place, like a drunk on ice skates. – Broadcaster Nick Ferrari.

JAMES Bond would have been a pretty easy part for me to fall into. But it never happened. – Singer Tom Jones exhibits his own particular brand of modesty. I AM not giving up cigars. I am killing myself. – Horse-racing pundit John McCririck.

TOO much Jane Austen is bad for 18th century history on TV. Everything has to be squeezed into a bonnet. – Historian Hallie Rubenhold, who is not impressed by ITV’s decision to screen another adaptation of Pride And Prejudice.