Learning about forgiveness is one of the decisions we make

TO ERR is human, to forgive divine, is a common saying that has been turning over in my mind over the past few days. Maybe it is due to recent events involving a certain Government adviser and his test drive to a North-East beauty spot – or maybe not – but what I found curious is how we approach our ability to ‘err’ and what does it mean to forgive.

Life is a series of decisions. We make decisions every second of the day, some of those decisions don’t even feel like decisions, others we may agonise over as they may feel like they have far-reaching consequences. With any decision we can’t possibly know the outcome with any degree of certainty, because if there has been one thing that this lockdown has taught us, it is that the future is never certain.

However, what I have noticed is that internally, often we know if a decision sits right with us, some might describe it as feeling it in our gut. A decision made in this way is one of good faith, we are doing what we think is right. However, one thing we have no control over is how that decision is going to be received. I’m sure you’ve had the situation where you’ve asked numerous people their opinion about a decision you’re making and you’ve received numerous different responses. We all have our unique perspective on life, all of which colour the decisions that we make. We can’t control the impact that our decisions have on others either and whilst we may seek to try to take others into account, often, we are wide of the mark – because, we have no idea how they are going to view the decisions that we make.

So how do we navigate all of this? My first observation is to, as far as we can, listen to that inner feeling of knowing, that gut feeling, rather than the wealth of thinking that we, or others, might be doing about it.

The second observation is seeking to understand the ripple effect of our decisions – we may not have control over what others think or how they react, but we can understand more the nature of how they behave. Often what happens when we don’t is that we end up in a state of reaction, entering into a battle of wills, which only ever triggers resentment and division.

When we appreciate more that others may not see our decision as we do, we fall more into a place of understanding. Even if our decision is made in good faith, when we are in a place of understanding, we see more how others see our actions and can better appreciate the impact that our decisions have had on them.

This is where ‘to forgive divine’ comes into play. I have always read this as forgiving others for their decisions and the impact they have on us. When we are in a place of understanding, when we see the impact of our decisions on others, the forgiveness doesn’t come from other people, it comes from us, it is on us to invite the forgiveness.

It may be that we may not regret our decision, as it may well have been made in good faith, but we rarely intend to impact negatively on each other, therefore, we do regret the impact that it has, and that kind of forgiveness that we seek, which in my view is, divine.

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