Allowing time for reflection can help us to understand others

OVER THE past few weeks I have seen immense courage in those around me. Usually, we think of courage as some heroic deed, something so out of the ordinary that it stops us in our tracks, but this was a courage of strength, of passion and of a will for change and it took the form of speaking out, when usually they remain silent.

We often shy away from speaking out, from rocking the boat, from disrupting those around us. We prefer the status quo and the peace and quiet that comes with that. But most of all, I find that the one thing that often stops us from speaking out most is the fear of being judged by others – even when we are speaking a truth that needs to be heard.

However, judging others is part of the human condition, even when we don’t mean to. To us, someone’s actions may not make sense, it may anger, frustrate or even simply confuse us or even the person that we are judging is ourselves. In this respect, I have been so grateful for the understanding that

I have about how, we create our experience, because it has enabled me to navigate differing and often opposing points of view, to listen and reflect, and at times, speak with courage about what I believe and what I have seen. That’s not to say that there haven’t been times when I have reacted, because that is human too, we all do that, and my mind has chewed over the arguments and conflicting positions. However, knowing that we all have a deeper space available to us has provided me with the stability that I need, like a ballast in a boat providing balance in a stormy sea.

Often we forget that we all have that time when we’ve reacted to a change in circumstances, sure that we won’t be able to adapt, we may have even thrown our hands up in frustration and panic; only to find that a short while later, when we’ve settled, we feel calmer, more hopeful and solutions and work arounds start to come to mind. Knowing that our reactive state is temporary, that how we view a situation in that state is uncertain, unreliable, is a game changer when we combine it with knowing that this calmer space is available to all of us, where life is more certain, clearer, where we are more compassionate and understanding, where we access fresh thinking and new perspectives. It is hidden strength and when it is utilised can bring about sustainable change.

The key is recognising what state of mind we are in. Knowing that in a reactive space, our actions will not be a true reflection of us, that we will not be in a place of listening, of understanding, of compassion but a place of frustration, intolerance, of high emotion and of judgment. But if we wait before we act, we will fall into a calmer feeling, a place where we are naturally more understanding, more compassionate, where we see each other as fellow human beings. It is only in this place that our minds are open and curious, that we are able to listen, to really hear their experience and what is true for them and it’s only from this place that we can only even begin to understand.