‘ There’s a lot I say on stage I‘ d never say in conversation’
Comedian Romesh Ranganathanhasn’tquite gotlifeworkedout yet– andit’spossiblehenever will. Hetells Luke RixStanding about hisselfdeprecatingnewbook.
ROMESH RANGANATHAN has legally been an adult for 24 years – he’s 42 now and has three sons – but it may take another 24 years for him to feel like a real grown up.
“I feel like I’m pretending to be a dad, pretending to be a husband, pretending to be a comic,” he says. “You fall into the trap of thinking everyone else has got their act together, and it’s only when you talk to people you realise nobody’s really got a clue.”
It might seem surprising, then, that his new book, As Good As It Gets, is as much life coaching manual as memoir, but Ranganathan reckons not having it nailed is good qualification for discussing what not having it nailed is like. A 250- page arm on the shoulder, this book- of- all- trades rollicks through life’s most relatable mishaps, from the perils of parenthood to the atrophies of ageing, concluding that a certain amount of failure is normal, unimportant, and rather funny.
Grumpy, self- deprecating and drier than a desert, fans of Ranganathan’s stand- up will find the humour delightfully on- brand, but there’s also an honesty that can only come with genuine personal revelation.
He writes at length about his limited social energy and regular ‘ foot in mouth’ moments, and finds it harder to negotiate the mums and dads at the schoolgate( hissonsareaged11, nine andsix) thangig audiences of thousands. “There’salotofstuffIsayonstageIcould neversayin conversation,” hesays,“and when you’re performing, peopledon’t judge what you say as much. It’s a weird dichotomy, but I feel less exposed saying things in a book or on TV than I would if having a personal chat with somebody.”
Much like one of his routines, the book rattles from topic to topic, with a few pages and jokes apiece shining light on most of today’s social issues. He comes out in favour of tattoos, his children and good manners. He’s much less fond of racism, other people’s children and social media.
“There are positives to it,” he says of the latter, sounding unconvinced, “but it’s just so brutal. It’s so faceless that people show the absolute worst sides of themselves. It’s not healthy to have a direct stream of opinions on what people think about you – good or bad. When I’ve had shows or books out, the instinct is to look on social media and see what people think, but even if loads of people say they enjoyed it I’ll focus on the one person that didn’t. I very rarely log on and feel better afterwards.”
Mental health also earns its own chapter, and Ranganathan first attended counselling when he was 17. “Back then I was ashamed of it,” he says, “and I didn’t tell my mum because I thought she’d think I was nuts.”
“I’d like to see schools helping children be more comfortable opening up. I know it’s the parents’ job too, and massive inroads have been made, but we’re still nowhere near where we should be.”
Parenthood sees Ranganathan at his most relatable. There is no such thing as a parent that knows what they’re doing, he says, and those that think they do “haven’t got a full appreciation of what’s required”.
“Before we had our first kid, we thought we had it nailed,” he says, “but every day you have to make tens if not hundreds of choices about what to say to your kid in certain instances, and you make terrible decisions. I’ve been very honest with my children about it. I’ve said ‘ look, this is my first time doing this’, and I apologise if I think I’ve called something wrong. I want my kids to know I’m a human being, and human beings make mistakes.”
“When your first child is born, you’re still the same person you were before and you’ve got to figure it out. You don’t have to be this all- seeing eye. As long as you care – everything comes from that starting point – you’re probably alright.”