OUR LOVE LIFE IS A DISASTER

I was happily married for 20 years; everyone thought I had the perfect relationship. My husband and I thought so too in all but one respect – we were never able to consummate our marriage. I now have a new partner and there is so much passion but sadly we have not been able to have full intercourse. He has a lot of emotional baggage and I am ashamed to own up to my past problems. I had an awful experience with my first cervical smear test. The doctor was very brutal and ignored the fact that I was in great pain and bleeding profusely. I love this new man with all my heart, and he repeatedly tells me how sexy I am and how much I arouse him. I know I am not frigid but the physical act is impossible. I am too embarrassed to speak to anyone. I don’t want to end my life as a virgin. Making love to the right man should be a lovely experience both emotionally and physically. I think with the right sort of help you would be able to overcome this. You are probably suffering from something called vaginismus, where the muscles around the vagina contract, making it impossible for the man to enter you. Because of the dreadful experience you had with the doctor, when it comes to penetration you fear being hurt all over again, and your vaginal muscles contract. Don’t be embarrassed. First, tell the man you love about your past and how much you want to make love. Then ask your GP for a referral to a gynaecologist, ideally a female one. She could check that no long-term damage was done by the doctor (probably not). If you are suffering from vaginismus, it can be treated and you can learn to relax and enjoy making love. then shouted at me. My son gets very angry with his father and says he can’t wait to leave home and go to university. Part of being a teenager is to push for independence and the freedom to do things their way. As a parent you have to find the right path between being too strict or rigid and abdicating responsibility with no restrictions or guidelines. If your husband objects to your son’s spiky hair it only makes it more appealing. When parents scream or yell at teenage children, it just escalates the argument and pushes them to get even angrier. Your husband is also jeopardising his father-son relationship. Talk to him and explain that if your son feels listened to and valued, he will be more prepared to negotiate. If your husband puts up with the trivial things such as spiky hair, your son is far more likely to listen to him over issues that really matter, such as saying no to drugs or not drinking too much. Loving but firm guidelines work better than authoritarian attitudes. For further help contact Family Lives (0808 800 2222, familylives.org.uk).