AM I WASTING MY LIFE WITH HIM?

I am 42 and my 48-year-old boyfriend of 15 months has made it clear that he wants nothing more from our relationship than what we currently have. I, on the other hand, want someone to share my life with. My previous relationship, which ended three years ago, lasted 19 years, but for my boyfriend this is the longest he has ever been with someone. His ex is a recovering alcoholic and he says I can’t be his friend on Facebook because she is fragile and it would upset her. He sends her texts telling her he loves her, though he denies it. I feel he is putting her feelings before mine. I suggested that we break up and he agreed to do so – after our planned holiday in September! I wonder if I am doing the right thing. He is also keen to change me and says: ‘You would be perfect if you were fitter.’ I don’t want to get to 50 and find I have wasted years on someone who isn’t worth it. He is 48 and, given that he has never had a relationship last longer than 15 months, has a terrible track record. The reality is that he has absolutely no intention of changing. So don’t make the mistake of thinking that if you stick around he might make the commitment you want – he won’t. If the relationship were to survive, you would almost certainly get to 50 and find that you were still waiting for him to say he wants a future with you. You need to end the relationship. I think it would be horrendous to go on holiday with him knowing that it is going to end, so – even if you have already paid for it – either cut your losses and cancel it, or take a girlfriend instead. I am not sure this man knows what love is and you deserve better. I think you may have low self-esteem and it would help to have counselling with Relate (relate.org.uk).

SHE DISAPPROVES OF MY PARENTING

My mother-in-law made it clear from the beginning that she does not approve of me. Her son and I have been married for four years, we have a two-year-old daughter and another baby on the way. We have seen a lot of her since we had our first child and she loves her granddaughter. However, she does not always approve of the way I bring up our daughter and makes negative comments. My husband tries to support me, but we don’t know how to deal with her. I am tempted to tell her to stop coming round to our house, but I know that would neither be fair nor the answer to the problem. Some mothers put their son on a pedestal and are jealous of anyone who may take their place as the most important woman in his life. This means that no woman will ever be good enough for him. Ask your husband if there has been a pattern of this with previous girlfriends. You are right to want to tackle this problem now and it is vital that your husband supports you 100 per cent, so that you can present a united front to his mother. Talk to her together. Start positively, by praising her for being a loving grandmother. Your husband should explain that it is difficult for both of you to feel that she disapproves of your parenting. He needs to tell her that he thinks you’re a wonderful mother – you may do things slightly differently to how she would, but that it is what you both want. Tell her that it would be lovely if she could support you in that.