OUR MARRIAGE IS SUFFERING

My husband left his job due to anxiety and depression shortly before our two-year-old was born and he has not worked since. I reluctantly returned to work. I did not want to leave our child, but otherwise we would not have been able to pay our mortgage. We now have a childminder because he made it clear he could not look after our child by himself and he still expects me to do the lion’s share of the housework. He is always moody, flies off the handle at the slightest thing, refuses to go to social events and we haven’t had sex for a year. When he makes an effort, he can be a wonderful husband and father. I know his depression is making him behave this way, but he won’t get professional help. I still love him, but I am thinking about separating as I am at breaking point emotionally. This is a terribly sad situation, but unless your husband is prepared to accept that he has a problem and get professional help, it is going to ruin the marriage and make your life miserable – and that won’t be good for your child either. Living with someone who is bad-tempered, moody, selfish and does little to look after his child, help out around the house or socialise is unbearable. In the end, it will destroy your love for him. Depression can also affect libido, which is another reason for seeking help. The most discouraging thing is that he appears to have no real understanding of what this is doing to you. You must tell him that you can’t go on like this and insist that he visits his GP. He probably needs a combination of medication, counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy, then together you could hopefully rebuild the relationship. Tell him that you can no longer continue in the marriage if he refuses. For further support, contact Mind (mind.org.uk).