MY HUSBAND IS A SELFISH, UNINTERESTED LOVER

I love my husband of 22 years but I am not sure if he loves me, simply because he seems oblivious to my emotional and sexual needs. He is 50, I am 53 and we have four children. I have told him on numerous occasions what makes me happy, but he appears unresponsive. I even asked him recently if he was aware of what gives me sexual pleasure – he wasn’t and has not made any effort to find out. He introduced me to oral sex about ten years ago. It is not something I do readily, but, because I love him, I go along with it. Over the past eight months, he has wanted me to do this on virtually every sexual encounter, but never does the same for me. I feel cheap, alone and taken advantage of. I don’t want him to give me oral sex all the time, but sometimes it would be nice. The fact that he expects me to do it at every opportunity and refuses to reciprocate is having a negative impact on me emotionally. I feel as though I am in crisis and don’t know what to do. Sadly, it sounds as though your husband has become an increasingly selfish and uninterested lover. It is hard to imagine how your sex life has made you feel, given that your husband does not know what you enjoy or what gives you pleasure. Understanding this about your partner is an essential part of any loving relationship – and it should always work both ways. If a couple do not explore what each other enjoys, then one or both tend to lose interest in their sexual relationship and are often tempted to look elsewhere. I know this is tough, but I think you need to talk to your husband and ask him if he still loves you and whether he truly wants this marriage to work or is just staying for the children or financial reasons. If you both want to stay in the marriage, talk about why you feel you are drifting apart and discuss what changes you both wish to see in your relationship – including your sex life. Oral sex should be about giving and receiving – as so many things in a partnership are. I hope that once you feel closer to one another, this will happen. Alternatively, if he has fallen out of love then perhaps he is no longer the man for you.