QUICKFIRE

Comedian Josh Widdicombe on Ubers, Neighbours and a short-lived goldfish called Gazza

with comedian Josh Widdicombe

I’m lucky I don’t have any regrets – maybe that undercut hairstyle from my youth

Guilty pleasure? I was listening to the best of All Saints on Spotify last night. That has to count, right? Where is home? London, but I’m originally from Devon. Career plan B? I worked in a bookshop for a year, so maybe I would go back to that. Who would play you in a movie of your life? Sir Ian McKellen. Although something must have gone terribly wrong with the world if there was a movie being made about me. Biggest bugbear? I’ve got so many that I could never narrow it down. So it seems appropriate to say indecisiveness. As a child you wanted to be… A footballer. Paul Gascoigne was my idol. I had a goldfish called Gazza that died within a few days of getting him. Earliest memory? Getting stung by a bee when I dug my hand into a sandpit. I don’t know if I actually remember it happening, or whether my family have told me the story so many times that I just think I do. Best quality? I’m stoic. I think I’d be good in a war – I can put up with things that are going on around me and crack on with work. And your worst? I’m easily annoyed. The vast majority of humans get on my nerves. Last meal on earth? A sourdough pizza from Franco Manca. I can’t imagine a world where we have to go back to normal pizza bases now that we’ve tried sourdough. Dream dinner-party guests? Can I just have my mates? I don’t want a random group of celebrities who I have to make small talk with. Why would you invite people you don’t know? Advice to teenage self? Get rid of the undercut. I persevered with that haircut for too long. Secret skill? I can name all the actors in Neighbours throughout the 1990s. I never tried to learn them, it’s just a result of spending my youth staring blankly at TV credits. What do you see when you look in the mirror? A man who needs a nap. Starstruck moment? I don’t get starstruck by Hollywood celebrities as I’m not into films. Although I did meet Harold Bishop from Neighbours [actor Ian Smith] once. He was a very nice man and I managed to not call him Harold. Career highlight? Winning Pointless Celebrities. That will always be my life highlight. Big break? I’m still waiting for it! It has been one very slow development. Favourite tipple? Kronenbourg. I’m very uninspiring. Hangover cure? I don’t get hangovers – it’s some kind of superhuman ability. My advice is to get out of bed, have a shower and man up. What did you have for breakfast today? Toast with Marmite. Top of your bucket list? To have a week off and slob around my house doing nothing. Biggest inspiration? I hate to name a comedian, because then I’ll meet them and feel as though I’m the work experience child meeting his idol. I’ll say Alex Brooker [my co-host on The Last Leg] and hope that when I see him I can tell him it was a joke. One thing that would make your life better? Immortality. Worst job you’ve ever done? Collecting logs from a shed and bringing them into a pub when the fire died down. There wasn’t enough work to fill the time, so I would sit in the log shed like a troll, waiting for the call that they needed more wood on the fire. Philosophy? Just grumble your way through it. Where would you time travel to? I’d redo the 90s as they were a lot of fun. Although if you think I should be more adventurous, I’d go back to 1966 and watch The Beatles perform live. Last film that made you cry? The Snowman. If you don’t cry when he melts, you don’t have a heart. First record you bought? ‘Do the Bartman’ by Bart Simpson. The song didn’t exactly stand the test of time. Favourite book? No one wants to sound pretentious, but hopefully The Complete Works of Sherlock Holmes is a safe answer. Biggest extravagance? Ubers. The amount of money I’ve spent on them is insane – I could probably buy a small house. I do rather short, lazy journeys. Biggest regret? I’m lucky that I don’t have any big regrets. Maybe that undercut hairstyle from my youth. Celebrity crush? Jennifer Aniston. Happiness is… The overall aim of life. It comes and goes, but the fleeting moments are worth it.

Josh is supporting Stand Up To Cancer, a fundraising campaign from Cancer Research UK and Channel 4. For more information, visit standuptocancer.org.uk