DEAR ZELDA

Your problems answered

I am in despair. Several years ago, my husband left me for a younger woman and took all our savings. Some of my so-called friends knew about the affair, but did not warn me. It turned out that the only reason she was with him was money – and when that ran out, she dumped him. I tried to support him, despite our divorce, but when I recently asked him to help with some house repairs, he refused. He told me the house will have to be sold. But with the reduced amount of money I have, I don’t know if I could afford something else in the same area. On top of this, my son has a problem with alcohol. He had been sober for two years, but recently went on a binge which caused a big bust-up with his fiancée. He has always been difficult, but I have never stopped supporting him. It is all getting too much for me. I repeatedly help my friends, but it’s never reciprocated. Why do I attract these problems? It is hard enough when a man walks out on you, but taking all your savings with him is appalling. Sadly, you may have to sell the house – but please contact a solicitor immediately to find out what your legal rights are. When agreeing on the final settlement, hopefully they will take into account the money your ex-husband took. Try Lawyers Online (lawyersonline.co.uk, 0844 346 3635). You could get support with your son’s alcohol problem by contacting Al-Anon Family Groups (al-anonuk.org.uk). Perhaps he, too, has been hurt or damaged by his father’s behaviour, so talk to him about this. I hope that as well as you being there for him, he can be kind and understanding towards you. Please also see your GP about possible depression. I am sorry people have taken advantage of your kindness. It sounds as though you find it difficult to say no, which might be connected with your past. Perhaps you had strict parents and always had to be well behaved? Try reading How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty by Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch*. Also contact the National Women’s Register (nwr.org.uk), which organises fun and interesting events where you can meet new people and make friends.