I SUFFER FROM LOW SELF-ESTEEM

I am a 41-year-old woman of Asian origin. I have lived in the UK for the past ten years. I love it here, have a decent job and have built up a good reputation in my career. I got divorced earlier this year for my own sanity as my husband was an alcoholic and life was difficult. The men I have met since have been married and are just looking for a bit on the side. I am so lonely that I have actually considered it, but eventually backed off. I have low self-esteem and don’t think I am attractive enough. I never expected to be alone and childless – I love children. Will I ever find a man who loves and values me, or will this elude me all my life? I don’t have a lot of friends, either. I always give to everyone else, but am unable to love myself. Why am I such a loser? You are not a loser – you have achieved a great deal, including changing countries, building a career and gaining the respect of your colleagues. Try not to underestimate this. However, being married to an alcoholic, who I suspect was probably angry and verbally abusive much of the time, has sadly destroyed your self-esteem. This is hard because if we don’t love ourselves, it is difficult to believe that others can love us. Try to see more of the colleagues you do like outside work. Also get in touch with the National Women’s Register (nwr.org.uk) as it’s a great way of doing interesting things and making new friends. Contact Relate (relate.org.uk) or the Asian Family Counselling Service (asianfamilycounselling.org) to work on your self-esteem. You could also try online dating with Zoosk (zoosk.com).