MY MOTHER HAS TURNED OUR FAMILY AGAINST ME

I am at breaking point, due to my mother’s narcissistic behaviour. She is self-obsessed and I have endured years of her criticism and abuse, yet she makes out that she is the victim. She has now turned my brother and sister against me and they ignore me if we pass each other in the street. They know how vile she can be, but have excluded me and treat me as though I am vermin. We used to be close and I stood up for them and their families when our mother was making their lives hell. My sister appears to be morphing into her and I am the scapegoat for everything. Why are they being so heartless? Their behaviour has also upset my husband and children – it’s almost as if we don’t exist. I am now taking antidepressants, anxiety medication and sleeping pills. I feel that the only way they will understand what they are doing to me is if I take my own life. This is a terrible situation to be in. Your mother’s behaviour has caused immense pain and driven the family apart. I suspect that because they have both been hurt by her in the past, your brother and sister are reluctant to stand up to her, so they are keeping quiet and now blame you for not doing the same. Perhaps, unfairly, they think you are making things worse. Sadly, the reality is that unless your mother gets professional help, she is not going to change. Please don’t take your own life – your husband and children would be devastated and the pain and loss would ruin their lives for ever. They must be your first priority. Your brother and sister are so influenced by your mother that they would probably not be sympathetic or understand what they had done to you, anyway. They could, instead, blame you even more and say how selfish you were to take your own life. I suggest that you and your husband try to see them (or he could write to them) and explain how loving and supportive you have tried to be, how rejected you feel and that you would like to be a family again – as would your children. If you can’t face any contact or if nothing changes, enjoy being with your husband, children and friends, who are rightly supportive of you. Please see your GP for an urgent referral for therapy and talk to the Samaritans by calling their helpline (116 123).