I NEED TO TACKLE MY SOCIAL PHOBIA

It has taken me a long time to write this letter. I am a 30-year-old man, have no friends or social life and still live at home. The only human contact I have is with my family. When people visit, I busy myself in the kitchen and, if there is a social event coming up, I am anxious for days beforehand and struggle to talk to people – even though I long to do more socially. I am afraid to apply for jobs. In the past, I have had panic attacks. My mother is not a caring type of person. If I decided I wanted to get help from a doctor, she might stop me from going – and I don’t know who my GP is, anyway. When I was seeing a counsellor at secondary school, my mother told me not to talk about her. I fear I will stay in this situation for the rest of my life. I am so glad that you have found the confidence to write to me. See it as the important first step to your recovery and the future life that you want and can have. Instead of being loving, your mother sounds critical and controlling, and that has left you anxious with very little self-confidence. Sadly, I see this often in my work. It has affected you so badly that it is difficult for you to seek help, but please make sure you do. Contact your local GP’s surgery to ask if you are registered as a patient. If not, sign up to one, then make an appointment. If you have to tell your mother where you are going, just give a physical reason – such as constant headaches – and on no account let her go with you. Explain to your doctor about your anxiety and social phobia and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or counsellor, which will, in time, help to give you the confidence you need to stand up to your mother. I’m also sure it would help if you were to leave home. Your local job centre can advise you on further training and things such as registering for a jobseeker’s allowance, while your local Citizens Advice Bureau (citizensadvice.org.uk) could recommend how to find and obtain rented accommodation. Alternatively, apply to study at university as a mature student to increase your chances of getting a job. For further support, please contact the Anxiety Alliance (anxietyalliance.org.uk, 0845 296 7877).