RELIGION IS COMING BETWEEN US

I have been married for 20 years to a non-practising Roman Catholic. However, she recently told me that she does not love me any more because, though I am Church of England, I am interested in converting to Islam. I have visited my local mosque and they were very welcoming. She says we can still be friends, but that if I become a Muslim she would want me to move out of our home. I have also experienced prejudice from my family and friends. I feel as though the people I love are blackmailing me and they do not respect my right to pursue the religion of my choice. I sometimes suffer from nightmares, panic attacks and anxiety and this is not helping matters. It must be very difficult for you to feel so torn and upset. Your desire to convert to Islam is perfectly acceptable and, of course, your choice. But you already sound vulnerable – suffering with panic attacks, nightmares and anxiety – so if your wife, family and friends were to reject you, it could be devastating and a very high price to pay. What you need to decide is if you did convert, could you cope with this? Would the new religion give you the happiness and confidence to be able to live your life and be happy if they were no longer a part of it? Could this desire be highlighting that you are looking for something more in your life, or that the welcome you received at your local mosque made you feel more wanted and secure? It is essential that you explore this in greater depth, so either contact the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk) or Relate (relate.org.uk). for him to satisfy his sexual needs outside the marriage. I care for him in all other ways, but I have no sexual desire for anyone. Do I end our marriage so that he can find someone else, or can it survive extramarital affairs? It does put a strain on a relationship if one partner loses all interest in sex. If the woman has no desire to make love, then it tends to be something she will avoid at all costs. For the man who still longs for a sexual relationship, it is incredibly disappointing, frustrating and rejecting. Sadly, many marriages break up over this or the man looks elsewhere. But most women really mind if their husband has an affair. The reality of your husband making love to another woman would be hard to accept. What can also happen is that the man falls in love with the other woman, putting the marriage under further threat. During the menopause, oestrogen and testosterone levels fall, which can affect a woman’s libido, but this can be treated by hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or testosterone. Ask your doctor for a referral to a gynaecologist. Tell your husband you are trying to get help and ask him for his support and understanding.