MY SON’S GIRLFRIEND IS COMING BETWEEN US

I am at the end of my tether with my teenage son and feel I am destroying our once fantastic relationship. He has been with his girlfriend for seven months. We have known her and her family for years and she has always been obsessed with him. Their relationship is intense – my son has now moved in with her family and it’s as if she has taken over his life. They only live around the corner, but we hardly see him and he rarely sees his friends. If he comes here she constantly texts him asking him to go back. When they came here for a meal she was texting him across the table asking when they could go home. When my husband (my son’s stepfather), younger children and I went out for a meal with them, she sat outside crying – he was endlessly texting trying to placate her. He now has a new job. When I mentioned in front of them both that one of his oldest schoolfriends (a girl) worked there, I didn’t see him for days as I had apparently upset his girlfriend. All we do is argue. He has told me that if I carry on like this he will cut off all contact with me. This must be extremely painful for you, especially as you used to be so close to your son. His girlfriend sounds obsessive and quite disturbed. I think in the long run your son will start to see that her obsession with him is claustrophobic and the relationship will not survive. In the meantime, however, it’s important that you maintain your relationship with him, so you need be careful about what you say. Try to bite your tongue and don’t criticise your son’s girlfriend, however difficult and annoying she is being. If his relationship with you is more relaxed, he will probably return home sometimes. You could ask him to join you for a family meal and include his girlfriend if she wants to come. Hopefully in time his relationship with this girl will end. It sounds as if she needs help so, as you know her mother, if she would respect your confidence you could say you are a little worried about her daughter and suggest that she tries counselling. But, again, tread very carefully as this, too, could backfire.