I CAN’T STOP FEELING JEALOUS

I am 24 and have struggled with every relationship I’ve been in. The problem is that I am paranoid and constantly think my partner is going to cheat or prefer someone else to me. I have been with a lovely man for a year now and I am so in love. It’s got to a point, however, where if he even looks at another woman it makes my blood boil. Is it because I have been cheated on in the past? I don’t want to mess it up, but I can’t help myself. One of the symptoms of paranoia can be that you find it very difficult to trust, and your thoughts are often irrational. It can help to write them down and, alongside them, the reality. For example: ‘He can’t see me tonight, I am sure he is seeing someone else.’ Reality: ‘He can’t see me because he is working.’ ‘He was talking to that woman, he is going to go off with her.’ Reality: ‘He was just talking. He has never given me any indication that he is planning to ditch me.’ ‘He was looking at another woman, that means he finds her more attractive than me.’ Reality: ‘He is always telling me how lovely I look and how much he fancies me’, and so on. Paranoid thoughts are sometimes triggered by low self-esteem, anxiety, insecurity and past experiences. Because you have been badly hurt by a previous boyfriend, your trust has been damaged, so you are always expecting it to happen again. You need professional help, so please explain the situation to your GP and ask for a referral for cognitive behavioural therapy. Also contact the mental health charity Mind (mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393). Tell your boyfriend that you love him and that you are going to get help to deal with your jealous behaviour.