MY BROTHER’S WIFE IS COMING BETWEEN US

I am desperately worried about my much-loved brother. He is on his third marriage – all three wives have had mental health problems. He is 61 and has been told by his doctor that his stress levels are affecting his health, so he needs to get his life under control. When he inherited from our mother, he put his share into his third wife’s house and she is now claiming that the money is hers. Her three adult children still live at home and show him no respect. They don’t pay towards living costs or even clean or wash up. They have serious alcohol problems, as does his wife. I didn’t realise how bad things were until I went on holiday with them. After I had done the washing-up yet again, I said to her daughter that I had hoped she would offer to help me. My brother’s wife then became so aggressive towards me that I had to barricade myself in my bedroom. She ranted for three hours about how she hated me. My brother did nothing to back me up. Now she is insisting that he no longer has any contact with me. I have a lovely partner and he and his family are very supportive. It sounds as if your brother has been bullied and emotionally abused by his current wife, which might be why he could not stand up for you. I suspect he can’t stand up for himself, either. His wife’s heavy drinking probably adds to her aggression. Perhaps, because he has two failed marriages behind him, he feels that he can’t face another divorce, or thinks it would reflect badly on him. He could also be worried about losing his inheritance. Talk to him and tell him how much you love him and are worried about him – and that he should take his doctor’s warning seriously. Unless his wife’s behaviour changes (which is unlikely) and she goes to Alcoholics Anonymous (alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk, 0800 917 7650), he needs to end the marriage. Tell him that you and your partner will support him 100 per cent. He should consult a solicitor regarding the financial issue and contact Al-Anon Family Groups (al-anonuk.org.uk, 020 7403 0888) for families and friends of alcoholics. He must also tell his wife that he is not going to stop seeing you. Perhaps he should also seek your advice if he is ever tempted to marry again!