HE HAS CHEATED ON ME FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS

I should be happy and positive about my marriage, but I think I need to end it. However, I don’t have the courage. Throughout our 20 years together, my husband has been unfaithful. If I had known what I do now at the beginning of the relationship, I wouldn’t have married him. I discovered that he had cheated on me before we got married, shortly afterwards and while I was pregnant with our children. He continues to do so. He has always had flings with married women and I foolishly took comfort from the fact that he never left me for them – even when at least two of them were dumped by their husbands. He recently left his job and I feel I should see the positive side to this, as most of his affairs were with colleagues on business trips. But he has also cheated on me with wives of members of his cricket club. I fear that I stay with him out of habit. I can’t get the thought of him making love to other women out of my head. I deserve to have a partner who only wants me, but I will hit 50 in a couple of years and worry that true love has passed me by. I also don’t want to cause pain to our children. I don’t know what to do. Your husband is a serial philanderer. Even though he knows how much it hurts you, he continues to have sex with other women. Sadly, if you stay in the marriage this is never going to change. One of the most difficult things to overcome when the man you love is unfaithful is the thought of him making love to another woman. It must be painful to keep imagining what they did together and whether it was more exciting than making love to you. Often, if such men get divorced they soon remarry, but after a short time, begin cheating again. You are only in your late 40s and do have time to meet someone who truly deserves your love. So either end the marriage now or, if you can bear it, wait until your children have finished school – although an unhappy marriage can be as damaging for children as divorce. Start by consulting a solicitor and have counselling – try Relate (relate.org.uk) – to help you find the courage to leave him.