THEY DON’T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY

I graduated from university last summer and didn’t want to live with my toxic parents, so got a job in the north. I shared a house, which was going well until one of the girls treated me badly. Then I lost my job and felt as though my life was falling apart. So I moved back to my parents’ house in London (which is where all my friends live as well). But my parents have been an absolute nightmare. They are constantly putting me down and making nasty remarks. They are patronising and treat me as though I am incapable of anything and as if I am a slave rather than family. They will never let me grow, thrive and be happy. In order to live my life the way I want to, I know they can’t be part of it. I want to cut them out of my life for ever. I am so sorry about the way your parents are treating you – it sounds unkind and emotionally abusive. Children are precious and parents should make them feel loved, wanted and valued and always be there for them, even if they are sometimes difficult. Make plans to leave home – hopefully you can find a job in London. Don’t be afraid to try sharing a flat with friends again – it will probably be more fun and friendly than before, and you could feel lonely living alone. It is a big step to cut off all contact with your parents, but once you have established your own life you can decide what level of communication you want with them, if any. Tell them that you have made this decision because they have hurt you deeply. I hope that you will then be able to enjoy being the person you want to be, with friends around you who value you. I also recommend counselling with Relate (relate.org.uk).