MY SON HAS CUT OFF ALL CONTACT

My 30-year-old son hates me and for the past year he has ignored my existence. The last time we spoke he exploded because I refused to hand over any more money. I had just paid for a new bed for his daughter and gave him a virtually new mattress but he said I was disgusting expecting her to sleep on a second-hand mattress. I have only seen his daughter about ten times in her young life as the girl’s mother also hated me, so I have refused to call her my granddaughter because I don’t feel she is. My son now has a new partner, who I haven’t met. My ex-husband never refuses our son anything apart from money because he doesn’t have any. I have always tried to be there for my son yet even as a child he seemed angry with me and eventually he went to live with his father. I have written to my son to try to get to the bottom of this but he has not responded. I am so lonely and I have no friends I can talk to. I have attempted suicide several times, but I won’t do that again as I don’t want to give him a reason to say: ‘I expected her to do that to me.’ Should I try to make contact one last time or just forget him? It sounds as if your son’s anger with you goes right back to childhood, and though you say you have always been there for him it seems this is not quite how he feels. This may be unfair of him or maybe in some ways you have let him down. It is really sad that you don’t see his daughter as your granddaughter and perhaps the fact that you refuse to call her this may have something to do with his anger towards you. Try to remember that it is not the child’s fault and hopefully it is not too late to get to know her. I would suggest writing to your son to say that you are sorry that you have never accepted her as your granddaughter and that you would like to put this right. It does sound as though your son has been using you financially so you need to stand firm on this but in a non-confrontational way. I am sorry that you are so depressed and lonely and your son’s rejection of you is very painful. However, please do not contemplate suicide; it would be devastating for your family. Instead, have counselling to address these issues and the depression and loneliness. You could also talk to the Samaritans (samaritans.org, 116 123).