MY EX-HUSBAND HAS BRAINWASHED OUR SON

I have a daughter of 17 and a son of 16 with my ex-husband. My son has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism and oppositional defiant disorder. He doesn’t take his medication as his father says there’s nothing wrong with him and that he doesn’t need it. My ex-husband only wants to see our son when it suits him and doesn’t want him to move in, yet he has somehow brainwashed him against me. My son has now been expelled from school. I have received abusive messages from my ex-husband, which I have logged with the police. My son, who behaves completely differently when he is with his father, doesn’t want anything to do with my new husband or myself and is aggressive towards us. This is an extremely difficult situation, which is made so much worse by your ex-husband’s abusive behaviour. It sounds as if he is angry about the divorce and the fact that you are with someone new. Rather than thinking of his son’s needs, he is using him to take out his anger and aggression on you, which is hurtful and damaging to your son. I wonder whether your ex is on the autistic spectrum, too, without realising it? Is there any other family member or friend who could gently talk to your ex about the damage he is doing to this young man – including encouraging him not to take his medication – and your relationship with him? If not, see your GP or contact social services. As well as talking to your ex-husband, they could possibly give you more help. The National Autistic Society (autism.org.uk, 0808 800 4104) can give you advice and help you to get the support from social services that you need. It also has online community support, where you can talk to other parents or carers of autistic children. Another thing that might help your relationship with your son is to try to make the environment as calm as possible when he’s with you, and keep a regular routine. You should not have to put up with abuse, however, so please also contact Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222) for advice on how to cope with this.