DEAR ZELDA

Your problems answered

My wife and I are both in our 50s. She is semi-retired whereas I work full time. A few days ago she saw an advert in the local paper appealing for volunteers to pose nude for life-drawing classes. Apparently the art school is having difficulty finding anyone. My wife shocked me when she told me she would like to do that and that she had already made an appointment to meet the manager of the school. I am amazed that she would be prepared to bare all in front of a room full of strangers and horrified that she could be seen by someone we know. She does have a good body for her age and says that she wants to try something daring before she is too old. I dread the thought of her doing this but she seems determined. How can I get her to change her mind? You can ask her but you can’t make her change her mind – it really is her choice. But if it bothers you so much, you should think about why and also try to understand her reasons for doing it a little more. If she has a good body and is confident with her looks, perhaps she is worried about ageing and the inevitable decline of some of that and wants a last chance to feel like an attractive, vibrant woman. Perhaps you mind so much because you feel you would like to keep her body just for your viewing. You could tell her that she is very special to you, that you find her beautiful and attractive and you would feel uncomfortable about other men seeing her naked. You could also explain that you are worried in case there would be anyone you know at the classes. Try not to worry so much, though. Life drawing has been a valid art form for centuries – it is just the study of the body and is generally not sexualised or voyeuristic. You could even try thinking how lucky you are that your wife is body confident. Talk to her about all this gently and hopefully you will both be able to see each other’s point of view, but if she is determined, support her, relax and look forward to seeing the pictures. You could also suggest other ideas for doing daring things together – scuba diving, an exotic holiday, hot-air ballooning or skydiving, for instance.