DEAR ZELDA

WHY DOES SHE BULLY ME?

Your problems answered

My mother is always accusing me of things that I haven’t done. She recently said that I had stolen her bank card, which, of course, I hadn’t. She stomped round saying that she couldn’t go to work until she found it and that I took it because I hate her. She also accused me of stealing a bracelet and she has now had a lock fitted to her bedroom door. My brother always supports my mother. He kept going through my bag looking for the card and saying that he would call the police, which he did. They believed me and I told them I did not want to take the matter further. I am in my 30s and this sort of thing has been going on for years. The only time I have any peace is when I go away. I have tried talking to my dad, but my mother always interferes. When I called her Cruella, because of her nasty behaviour towards me, my dad told me off. She always turns on the tears and makes out that it’s my fault. What should I do? For parents, children are the most important thing in the world and it’s so sad when that relationship goes wrong. It sounds as though your mother is manipulative and a bully. Sadly, your brother takes her side and your father is not tough enough to stand up to her. That’s probably because when she takes things out on you, it stops her from getting at them, so they have an easier life. This difficult relationship with your mother probably goes back a long way and she is not prepared to listen to you. Tell her how upset you are at being accused of things you have not done, and tell her how the fact that she does not trust you makes you feel unloved. You could ask her to try joint counselling, but I am not optimistic. It may be that she is narcissistic, thinks only of her own feelings and rationalises her behaviour by always blaming you. It may be better to put some distance between you both. I think that you need to find somewhere else to live and only see her occasionally.