DEAR ZELDA

My wife and I have discussed introducing other partners into our sex life. We have set some rules – I won’t kiss on the mouth or have intercourse and she is free to do anything. We fantasise about doing this with another man or woman and we have had a threesome with a male friend, which we both enjoyed. We are afraid to advertise online. And we live in a small community where nearly everyone knows each other. Are we doing something wrong? Yes, I see that you can’t exactly put up a notice in your local newsagent! I wonder why you have agreed to no kissing or intercourse while your wife is free to do anything she wants. Is this because she is more interested than you are in swinging? It seems rather one-sided. If you both love each other, are emotionally close and have a good sex life, why would you want to involve anyone else and break the intimacy of lovemaking? Are you bored with your sex life or does one of you want to try something different sexually and the other doesn’t? Some swinging internet sites claim that they have more than 6,000 visitors a month. Maybe they are all genuine customers or possibly just curious. If everyone is happy with the arrangement, then you are not necessarily doing anything wrong. However, you could be doing something dangerous. You risk destroying the intimacy that you share. What if you or your wife enjoy sex with someone else far more than with each other, or even prefer it? One of you might start to fancy one of the other swingers so much that you meet secretly and start an affair. The biggest danger is that one of you may fall in love with another sexual partner and want to leave the marriage. You need to talk about all this together and perhaps look for ways to bring back the sexual excitement and pleasure when just the two of you are making love. Don’t get involved in swinging.